


What Am I Here For?

by ceciliasheplin



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angry rant, Awkward Conversations, Consensual Infidelity, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Is Alive, F/M, Face Slapping, Family Issues, Flashbacks, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, Happy Ending, He would deny it, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, Internalized Prejudices, It's super minor but it's there, Kidnapping, Kylo is a fitness guru, Masturbation, Mention of forced labour, Mention of torture, Multi, No Incest, No Kids - Freeform, No Pregnancy, Polyamory, Skywalker Family Drama, Slow Burn, Smut, Swearing, Therapy, Threesome - F/M/M, Visit to the hospital, breylo - Freeform, consensual voyeurism, cuckholding, figuring stuff out, loss of appetite, mention of abandonment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:26:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 25,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23903074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ceciliasheplin/pseuds/ceciliasheplin
Summary: This is the Breylo version ofthis old promptby @reylo_prompts: "When Ben is declared missing, and then presumed dead, his fiance, Rey, is heartbroken. He returns years later, only to find she didn't wait for him as she'd promised she would."
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Kylo Ren/Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 216
Kudos: 157
Collections: Reylo Hidden Gems, Reylo Prompt Fills (@reylo_prompts)





	1. Rey

**Author's Note:**

> This fic features no pregnancy, no kids and no incest, but there are instances of characters discussing these topics. Also the text deals with intense grief, internalized prejudices and how people react to it, including Rey struggling with her appetite temporarily and the family getting involved. Proceed with caution and please read the tags. But a happy ending is guaranteed!
> 
> I hope I’ve made Polyamory justice!
> 
> I’ve created a [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/18aqyKqRZE05ABCfp07eBD?si=qn3CIepARCGoJuSuyljzqQ) for this fic, one song for each chapter, if you’re interested.
> 
> Also, check out [MissCoppelia’s version](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20241253/chapters/47971657) of the same prompt.
> 
> Last but not least, a big thank you to [QueenOfCarrotFlowers](https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfCarrotFlowers/pseuds/QueenOfCarrotFlowers) for your invaluable support and for the beta read. You’re amazing!

__

_And though we've been down the hardest road we've yet traveled_

_At least we weren't travelling alone_

_Time ticks by and we're still a little broken_

_But together we can lighten this load_

(Song: A Little Broken by Storm Greenwood)

***

Rey feels sick. Her stomach is in knots again. Kylo is beside her, on the back seat of the Falcon, holding her hand. Han is driving and Leia is on the passenger seat in front of Rey. Rey can see Leia’s expression on the rear view mirror: eyes lost but serious, blinking slowly once in a while.

Rey can feel Kylo glancing at her to gauge her state every minute or so, but she’s too tired to say anything. Besides, he must be struggling, too.

Ben is alive.

She can’t really remember what her reaction was when Han told them the news over the phone; everything is a blur. She does remember, however, how Kylo reacted. She could see the shiver that shook his body and how his expression changed from disbelief to shock. He never cried, but he held her while she broke down, like he always did.

Ben, the marine, the golden child of the Solos and Skywalkers, State Senator Leia Organa’s son, the good boy, the man she loved - loves - went MIA four years ago. They found his name tag among the wreckage of the helicopter he was in, among the charred bodies of his fellow soldiers.

Four years ago, Rey was sure her life was over.

They had a funeral for him. There was a flag on top of his empty coffin that other soldiers folded in a solemn ceremony and handed over to Leia. Kylo and Han were shouldering her, one on each side, Rey sitting next to Han. Rey had never seen so much pain in a person’s face; it broke through Leia’s always stoic persona, making it crumble until there was nothing but grief. That was how she felt, too.

Rey and Kylo visit his tombstone often. She doesn’t know why, since she never believed in anything, but she needs it somehow. She usually brings flowers because everyone does that when they go to the cemetery and also because she needs something to hold onto, besides Kylo’s hand.

But they are on their way to the air base, to see Ben right now. She shifts on her seat again, rubbing her chest. Kylo reaches a hand and places it on top of hers.

***

Leia is holding onto Han, even though they’ve been separated for ages. It’s summer and it’s already hot early in the morning but Leia is shaking. Han seems dizzy and alert at the same time. Kylo is even more serious, his fists clenched. Rey feels like she’s suspended in the air, reality just out of reach.

The plane lands and comes to a halt in front of a line of soldiers standing to attention, dressed in formal apparel. They salute the first officers who get off the plane.

Then Ben appears on the small airplane door and the air is knocked out of her lungs. It’s really him. He climbs down the stairs with difficulty, helped by other people. As soon as he steps on the ground, Leia breaks protocol and runs to her son.

Rey was already crying but the sight makes her sob. She hears everyone around her crying too.

Leia holds her son and Ben holds her as best as he can. He is emaciated and has a scar on the right side of his face. She can see tears shining in his eyes as he holds his mother. Soon, Han joins them and then Chewie and Lando. Even Luke hugs Ben and tells him he missed him. Kylo and Ben exchange a look - one she could never describe and will never forget - before they hug, a tight embrace even if a little stiff. It’s almost too much.

But when Ben spots Rey, she can’t breathe. She runs to him and holds him tight. It’s not enough to just hold him but she must settle for this simple gesture for now.

The ache and relief lash at her heart mercilessly, until she fears she might faint.

The ceremony is forgotten for a while.

***

Ben got a medal of honor that day. They had to put him in a chair because he couldn’t stand on his own for too long. Leia wouldn't let go of his right hand and Rey of his left.

Ben gazes at her after it’s over. She had already seen his face through Skype, but it still shocks her. He looks so different; his cheeks are hollow and his skin is tan and there’s the scar too. But he still looks at her with those beautiful chocolate eyes she thought she’d never see again.

They also scare her because the pain she sees in them seems enough to swallow her whole.

She can’t really articulate words now. Neither can he.

They spend a long time just looking at each other until someone says they’re going to bring the car.

Back at Leia’s house, Rey sits by his side, trying to be as close as possible, but not quite knowing how. She wants to be alone with him but knows better than to keep him to herself now. She’s not the only one who loves him.

Her Ben is alive and he’s home. This is all she can think about.

Everyone gravitates towards Ben but none seem to really know what to say. Most go for small talk and unfunny jokes and Ben smiles at them, holding her hand all the while.

His smile is so beautiful, she thinks to herself, as if she were daydreaming. Maybe she is, because this is too surreal. But she is grounded by the very real feel of his skin on hers.

Ben’s entire family is gathered here, having a lunch party with a cake even, all sorts of beer and wine. Someone even suggested a ribbon but Leia was vehemently against it.

Leia asks for a moment with Ben and Rey concedes. She witnesses mother and son walk together to the porch; Leia looks so happy.

Kylo, who has been standing across the room from them, sits beside her and holds her hand too.

“Are you okay?” He asks.

“I don’t really know," she answers, almost light-headed. "You?”

He shakes his head. “But I think we will be.” He says, gazing at his twin brother.

“Yeah,” Rey replies. “Ben’s alive, of course it’s going to be okay.”


	2. Ben

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Well she wore you like silk_   
>  _Bandaged all around_
> 
> _The scars of your love_   
>  _Became your hollow crown_
> 
> [Hollow Crown](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/18aqyKqRZE05ABCfp07eBD?si=qn3CIepARCGoJuSuyljzqQ) by Isaac Gracie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The angst is here! And we've only just begun.
> 
> This fic is made up by short chapters telling each one's POV. Expect daily updates :)
> 
> Thank you to [reylotrash711](https://archiveofourown.org/users/reylotrash711/pseuds/reylotrash711) for the moodboard!

Ben feels tired. He stares at the ceiling of his childhood bedroom. His life has changed so dramatically in a few days, his body is having a hard time adapting. One day he was a prisoner in a work camp in a foreign country and the next he was on his way home. He feels the thin muscles of his arms and touches his hollow cheeks.

At the camp, it felt normal; here it feels alien.

It’s strange to be here, to see his family again, even though it was everything he ever wanted or thought about in the past four years.

Leia is making all sorts of food for him and he feels bad to say he can’t eat any of that. Han is unusually quiet, only breaking the silence every now and then by asking if Ben is okay. Ben didn’t expect his father to stay after the welcome party and Ben noticed that the bed in the guest room is untouched. He shakes his head, desperately willing the thought away.

The media is being relentless. He has more interview invitations than he can answer and he’s shaken hands with people he has never seen before, telling him how proud they were of him and that they were glad he was back. All want to hear his amazing, inspiring story of survival. Ben doesn't think he deserves all that attention and doesn't crave it, but he supposes his story is unusual enough to be the object of their articles on paper and online.

He has all sorts of appointments already: therapy, physical therapy, medical follow-ups. He feels exhausted just thinking about it. But there’s one thought that won’t leave his mind.

Rey.

She was told he was dead. They all were. He can’t imagine what they must have gone through, what she must have gone through. He remembers when he asked her to marry him: the tears of joy in her eyes, the way she looked at him, the quiver of her hand when he put the ring on her finger, her protests that he spent money on jewelry.

That same day, when they were being silly, he asked her if she would wait for him. Her face had hardened, and she called him an idiot, telling him that of course she would wait for him.

“I’ll be back for you, sweetheart, I promise.” He had made his own promise in return, right before he went on the mission that ruined his life.

There’s a knock on the door.

“Come in.” He says, sitting on the bed.

The door opens a little and Rey comes into his room.

With a pang, he realizes how much he missed her, how beautiful she is and how much he loves her. It shouldn’t hurt as much as it does, after all, these are good things, aren’t they?

“Ben…” Her voice trembles as she says his name.

“Rey…”

She lunges at him and wraps her arms around him. He’s still sitting on his bed and she keeps shifting; at times sitting on the bed, then kneeling on the floor, then standing up. It’s almost like she’s afraid to hurt him. They hold each other for a long time despite the awkward positions, unable to fight away the tears.

“You’re back. You came back to me…” She manages among her sobs.

“Yes, sweetheart…” The happiness of holding her in his arms is so intense, he feels almost dizzy.

"I missed you so much." Rey whispers.

"I missed you too..."

“Oh, god, Ben… there’s so much to say…”

“I know…”

“How are you?” Rey asks. “I mean, how… are you feeling?”

“I’m home.” He smiles.

“Oh, Ben…” Rey almost chokes on her tears. “Tell me… tell me what happened. The officers handling your case already told me, but… I want you to tell me…”

He tells her about the crash. The helicopter he was in was attacked and they made an emergency landing. Ben managed to get out before the aircraft exploded for good; he guesses he must have lost his name tag on the process.

The first months of captivity he spent being moved from place to place, his captors seemed to be running from something. He was fed scraps and was beaten up a lot, until they sold him or gave him away to another group who put him in a work camp and made him and the other prisoners work until they passed out.

He has to stop his tale because her crying is too painful for him to watch. So he brushes her cheeks, uselessly trying to wipe the tears away. She does the same to him, her eyes lingering on the scar on his face.

“It’s okay, sweetheart… I’m here now…”

“How did you escape?” She whines.

“One night I was in my cell and I heard gun fire. It wasn’t uncommon but this time it was too close. It was a raid at the camp by mercenaries and they eventually reached the cells. They opened the cages to take us away, I guess, but they were careless, their plan didn’t work. They ended up shooting each other to death. Me and some other prisoners managed to hike to a nearby city. There, I managed to convince the local government to contact the US army… Rey?”

She’s sobbing in his arms again, sitting on his lap. He holds her tight, rocking her, trying to soothe her.

“I… I can’t… I’m sorry…” She says.

“Oh, sweetheart, it’s okay…” He is absolutely certain that everything is going to be fine. He can't wait to have his life back.

“Ben… there’s something I must tell you…” She says getting off his lap and sitting on the bed beside him. She tries but breaks down every time.

“It can wait,” Ben says. “Whatever it is, it can wait--”

“Ben, Kylo and I are married.”

He is frozen in place. The floor disappears from under his feet. Her words unmoor him. His mind is spiralling.

“Ben?” He hears Rey say.

His gaze falls to the floor while what was left of his heart breaks. It crumbles, slowly and painfully, until there’s nothing left.

“Ben, please… say something.” She begs, kneeling on the floor in front of him.

He tries to. “You… and Kylo?” He asks with a breathy voice.

“I’m so sorry, Ben…” Rey hides her face with her hands. Ben leans over and takes her into his arms.

“It’s okay… It’s okay…” He somehow says.

“No, it’s not okay!” Rey suddenly shouts, breaking the embrace to grab him by his clothes. “None of this is okay! I promised I would wait for you! I promised... and I broke it.”

Once more, he tucks her under his arm and they spend a long time there. The crying eventually stops; he guesses they are both too tired for that.

He doesn’t know what to think. All that runs through his head is that Rey is gone. Rey is gone... Rey is gone...

“I’m sorry…”

He replies automatically. “It’s no one’s fault, Rey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... what's up with Han and Leia?


	3. Kylo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _And I found love where it wasn't supposed to be_
> 
> _Right in front of me_
> 
> _Talk some sense to me_
> 
> [I Found](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/18aqyKqRZE05ABCfp07eBD?si=qn3CIepARCGoJuSuyljzqQ) by Amber Run

Kylo feels anxious. He parks the Zipcar in front of Leia’s house and inhales, delaying the moment to go inside. He asked Rey about the conversation she had with Ben and she gave him a vague answer. All he knows is that it didn’t go well, but then again how could it? She was so distraught that he didn’t press the matter, not wanting to upset her anymore.

He turns off the engine, takes the umbrella and strides across the lawn. It’s raining but it should be over quickly. Rey always says that she hates the suburbs: you have to drive everywhere and that’s not healthy. It’s true, and that means that Ben is stuck here in this house. When Leia mentioned all his medical appointments and that she wanted to hire a driver for Ben, Kylo volunteered.

“Hey, kid.” Han greets him as he opens the door to let him in. Kylo shakes the umbrella outside before getting in. “Don’t worry about that. Here.” Han takes it from his hand and places it on the hanger.

“Hi, Dad,” Kylo greets. “Hey, a reporter followed me to work this morning.”

Han halts and presses his lips together. “Yeah, they are after your mother too.”

“These people are disgusting. Don’t they have any respect?”

“No, kid, they don’t,” Han says, giving his son a strong hug. “Thanks for doing this.”

“It’s the least I can do.” Kylo hugs him back and they linger a little more. They have since Ben came back. But suddenly, Kylo realizes something. “What are you doing here? Isn’t it Tuesday?”

Han shifts on his feet and gives him a weak grin. “Yeah, I just wanted to be here, you know, for Ben. Chewie can handle the garage and I’ve asked him to take a look at the house for me.”

“Oh, okay,” Kylo says, still finding it a little strange to see his father at his mother’s house but he supposes it makes sense if it’s for Ben.

“Kylo?”

He turns around and sees his brother standing there.

Ben used to joke that he was the eldest by six minutes so he had the big brother title. Kylo used to respond that Ben may be the eldest, but Kylo was the most handsome.

That joke isn’t funny anymore.

He looks so thin, so tired, so much older than he is.

Kylo hasn’t been able to really speak to Ben since he came back and now the last time they saw each other surges on his mind with a pang of guilt. The angry words they exchanged echo in his mind.

And now there’s more guilt on top of that one.

“Hi, Ben.”

“Thanks for driving me.” Ben says.

“Yeah, with the gym I have flex hours so…”

Ben has that sad expression on his face that makes Kylo feel even more guilty. They’re alike in that way, neither one was ever able to keep their emotions from registering in their faces, no matter how much they tried to keep it in.

But Ben takes the final steps towards his brother and holds him tight, to Kylo’s relief.

“Ready?” Kylo asks.

“Yeah,” Ben says. “Bye, Dad.”

“Bye, Dad.” Kylo says.

“Bye, boys,” Han says as they walk out the door. “Drive safe.”

Ben walks slowly to the car, Kylo trying to shield him from the rain. Kylo opens the door for Ben and helps him in. He hates seeing his brother like this.

The ride to the clinic is spent in silence, but Kylo doesn’t sense that Ben is angry. He just needs to be able to talk about it, but he has no idea how.

They pull up in front of the clinic. The drizzle of the rain pitter-pattering on the windshield.

“Ben…” Kylo starts but his throat tightens.

“Kylo, it’s okay…”

“I’m sorry,” Kylo blurts out. “We thought you were dead! I didn’t mean to fall in love with her. It just happened. You were dead and Mom and Dad were inconsolable, _we_ were all devastated, for fuck’s sake, and there were times when I didn’t know how any of us could ever recover from all that suffering. And Rey... She loves you! We all love you! We didn’t mean for it to happen, but now you’re back from the dead! I’m so happy and relieved and I don’t want to hurt you anymore… FUCK!” Kylo slams the wheel with all his might and feels his eyes burn. He takes several deep breaths before he looks at Ben.

“Kylo, it’s no one’s fault.” Ben has a vacant stare, looking even more tired. “She had a right to move on with her life. And so did you.”

“I’m sorry,” he says one more time. “I feel like we’ve betrayed you.”

“Kylo, you know this is not it,” Ben says. “I want you to know that it’s okay and that I don’t blame you, any of you. We’ll get through this. One day at a time.” He sounds broken when he speaks.

“Yeah, yeah, you’re right…” Kylo agrees, pressing his eyes with his palms.

Both sigh and just sit in the car for a while. Kylo can’t believe how calm Ben is about this, but he figures that his brother hasn’t changed in that regard.

“How come…” Ben pauses and frowns. “How come you and Mom and Dad are talking again?”

Kylo winces. The answer is long and complicated, and even if they had the time, some things can’t be explained with words. “After you…” _died_ , he thinks but doesn’t say the awful word again. “I came back for the funeral and something in me… I don’t know… I-I just couldn’t leave them again, couldn’t make them suffer more than they already were.”

Ben nods but Kylo knows this isn’t a sufficient answer. But it will have to do.

“You did the right thing. I’m glad,” Ben says. In other times, it would have sounded condescending coming from Ben, more than enough to start a fight. “I’m assuming that’s how you met Rey.”

“Yeah…” Kylo says, unwilling to elaborate.

Ben takes a deep breath and shifts on his seat. “Maybe tomorrow you can tell me all about your gym. Mom won’t shut up about it. Dad says you’re some sort of fitness guru or something…”

Kylo is thankful for the change of subject.

“Fuck that,” Kylo snorts and finds Ben grinning. “My gym is _popular_ , thankfully. And the Instagram account is run by the employees, not me.”

Ben chuckles. “Have you read the comments under your pictures?”

“No, I haven’t.” Kylo says with a firm voice but can’t help the smile that blooms on his face.

“You should.” Ben says and the brothers laugh together for the first time in ages.

Kylo feels a little better. Just a little.

“I, uh, got to go inside. It’s time.” Ben says after it fades.

“Yeah, sure.” Kylo mumbles with his regard fixed on the driving wheel. 

“Thanks for the ride. I appreciate it.”

“No problem,” Kylo says quietly. “Oh, wait. Here, take the umbrella.” He reaches for the back seat.

“It’s not raining anymore.”

Kylo blinks at his brother and then looks at the sky. He didn’t notice.

“Need help?”

“No, it’s okay.” Ben answers as he slowly gets out of the car. “Kylo?”

“Yeah?” Kylo looks at his brother, expecting to be hit with something bad.

“It’s going to be okay. Really.” Ben says firmly.

Kylo nods and watches his twin limp to the front door of the clinic. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kylo put Jannah and Kaydel (who are a couple) in charge of the IG account, unsuspecting that they would turn their boss into his own best poster boy.  
> Kylo's gym is great, but our dear couple knows exactly why it's so popular. They are on a mission to get Kylo to workout shirtless.  
>   
>   
> 


	4. Rey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Funny it takes no time to fall back down_
> 
> _Funny it takes the time to get back up_
> 
> [You There](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/18aqyKqRZE05ABCfp07eBD?si=qn3CIepARCGoJuSuyljzqQ) by Aquilo

“Rey… fuck… you need to eat something.”

If she didn’t know Kylo, she’d be offended. But she knows very well that his curses never mean anything bad. Not to her. Never to her.

She’s staring at the plate of food, almost untouched, and tears prickle her eyes. As soon as Kylo sees that, he jumps from his seat and holds her. He knows how she likes to be held.

“Baby, please eat something. Anything? For me?” Kylo says, sweetly brushing her cheeks.

“I’m sorry, Kylo…” she says. “I’ll throw up…”

“Okay… okay, baby… I’m sorry.” He says and holds her tighter. Rey knows he has something to say to her just by the way he’s holding her.

“Rey?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you…” His voice breaks. “Do you still love me?”

She gasps and pulls him by his shirt, urging him to meet her gaze. He sits on the stool beside her.

“Kylo,” she says through gritted teeth. “I love you. I love you with all my heart and my soul. Don’t you ever doubt that.”

Kylo nods and chews on his lips. Just like Ben does when he’s trying to control his emotions.

“Kylo…” She intones.

“Do you love Ben?”

She takes a breath and looks him in the eye. “You know I do.”

“Do you want to be with him?” Kylo asks and it’s hard to see that look in his eyes.

“Kylo...” Rey sighs.

“Do you want to divorce me?” He asks her with those pleading eyes that almost break her heart.

“Kylo! No! Absolutely not!” Rey almost shouts.

“You love him. You should be with him. Now that he’s back—“

“There is no solution to this situation, Kylo,” Rey says. “No one gets out unscathed.”

Kylo gets up and starts to pace around the room, but she knows he’s not angry.

“If you say so, I’ll leave so you can be together. He’s been through enough.”

“Stop saying that, Kylo!” Rey says. “I love you both.”

Kylo stops and sighs. “You can’t love us both.”

“Of course I can. And I do. This situation is just impossible,” Rey sighs deeply. “It’s no one’s fault.”

“Now you sound like Ben.”

“He’s right,” Rey says. “Besides, when a person dies, your love for them doesn’t just go away. And love is not exclusive to one person, you can love many people in your life, at the same time.”

“Not romantic love, no. Not the love a couple has for one another.”

To Rey, it simply doesn’t sound right. “Who the fuck said that?”

Kylo looks at her, his tall body slumping with weariness. She gets up and wraps her arms around his torso. He responds by holding her tight. She pulls him down for a kiss.

She kisses him fervently, letting him know of her love for him. One of his large hands rests on the small of her back, almost making across it, while his other snake up, making his fingers card through her scalp.

_ He knows I love him _ , she thinks.  _ Because it’s true. _

***

Rey finally makes it to her desk with a loud huff. Her coworkers give her sideway glances but no one says anything. She’s not  _ that _ late.

“Ms Johnson?” Snoke’s voice cuts through the silence of the open space office.

Rey winces but schools her face back into a polite grin before turning around, heading to Snoke’s office.

“Mr. Snoke, I apologize--”

“Ms Johnson, this is the third time this month you are late.” Snoke says loudly so the whole office can hear. Rey shoots a glance at Phasma and the woman averts her gaze, hiding a victory grin.

“I am so sorry, sir,” Rey says quietly. “I’ve been facing some personal issues and--”

“Yes, yes, your famous ex-fiancée is back from the dead,” Snoke talking about Ben makes her feel intense disgust. “I’ve read all about that in the news. But I expected you to have gotten over it, by now. After all, you married his brother, didn’t you?”

Rey’s skin burns as she feels the entire office looking at her. Her reflex is to lower her head and take the scolding as she learned how to do in her early life.

However, she takes a deep breath and looks Snoke in the eye. “I’ll do my best to keep my personal life out of the office, sir.”

She doesn’t miss the twinge of anger that passes over Snoke’s face before he smiles a forced smile. “As you should. Just make sure you’re not late again. Good day, Ms Johnson.”

“Good day, sir.”

Back at her desk, she tries to focus on her work, but she’s just too angry. Angry and sad and hungry and sick. Snoke reminds her too much of one of her foster fathers, Plutt, except that at least Plutt was honest about how much he hated her. Snoke is all about appearances but she knows very well he doesn’t care about the people he works with.

She shuffles through the plans and sections of the new high-rise building she’s helping design. She told Snoke that it would be better if they created multiple uses for the building, seeing as there would be nothing but office spaces. She proposed a gym, a bar and even a grocery store.

“To keep the building alive even after work hours. We don’t want all this space to become a desert after hours, do we?” She said but was duly ignored by him and they proceeded with his vision.

She sighs remembering her conversations with her friend Rose in college. Rey wanted her work to matter. 

She had been homeless one time. She had run away from one of her bad foster houses and had to sleep on the streets because the shelters were full. She didn’t sleep at all, terrified of any shadow that passed by, until morning came and the police found her.

She realized that night that she wanted to build houses for people who couldn't afford them. Maybe, if she did that, some other family may not have to sell their daughter for money.


	5. Kylo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Light, pave the way_
> 
> _Life, you're my cage_
> 
> _I've been a bad man biting the hand of fate_
> 
> [Hallucinate](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/18aqyKqRZE05ABCfp07eBD?si=qn3CIepARCGoJuSuyljzqQ) by Oliver Riot

It’s early morning as he pulls over his mother’s house, there are more reporters. He curses inwardly and gets out of the car as quickly as he can.

“Kylo! Kylo! How does it feel to get your brother back?”

“Mr. Solo, how are your parents handling it?”

He tries to go around them but he’s being crowded.

“Hey, Kylo, care to make a statement on how you stole your brother’s fiancée? Are you going to share her now?”

Kylo sees red. He grabs the man before he has time to think. “WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SAY, ASSHOLE?!”

Kylo pushes him against the exterior wall, holding the man by his shirt easily, while some of them try to separate them but most are just taking pictures.

“Say it again!” Kylo roars and slams the man against the wall. “Fucking say it! I dare you!”

“Let him go, Kylo!” He feels strong hands pull him while he’s still screaming at the reporter who is positively scared to death.

“Fuck you! How dare you talk about her like that! You asshole!” Kylo bellows at the man as Han takes him inside.

The door slams shut and Han sits him on the couch.

“Fuck!” Kylo spits the word, he’s shaking so bad it’s impossible to stay still. 

Han sits beside him and waits, placing a hand on his shoulder. His father’s firm hand is soothing. Kylo suddenly remembers the way Han would yell at him whenever he threw a tantrum when he was a child, until it became a shouting match.

Now, Kylo inhales and exhales, following his father’s serene breathing.

“Okay,” Kylo says. “I’m okay…”

“Good,” Han gently replies, patting his son on his back. “Now, tell me what happened.”

“That asshole,” Kylo says. “He said some shit about...”

“About Rey?”

Kylo meets his father’s kind eyes and nods. Han’s expression tells that he knows exactly the kind of question that the reporter asked, but can’t bring himself to talk about it. And Kylo is thankful for that.

“I know it’s hard, but you can’t do this, kid.” Han says, squeezing his shoulder. “That’s what they want you to do.”

“I know, Dad, I’m sorry.” Kylo apologizes but he’s not really sorry. He really wanted to beat the living shit out of that reporter.

But those days are past him.

Kylo groans when he thinks about the scene he just made. That will feed the news for ages, maybe it could even become a scandal. He rubs his face as he imagines the headlines and the pictures they took of him losing his temper. Regret suddenly makes him feel cold.

“Fuck, I’m sorry, Dad.” Kylo says once more.

Han doesn’t say anything, he just stays there next to his son, with his hand on his shoulder. Han has a smile and compassionate eyes for him at the end.

“Thanks, Dad…” He smiles at his father too but then he frowns. “Hey, did you… sleep here?”

Han tenses and makes a face that Kylo is not sure he’s seen before, but before he can answer, they hear footsteps down the stairs.

“What happened?” Ben’s worried voice comes from the other room.

“Reporters…” Han answers quickly and gets up from the couch.

“What did they say?” Ben asks.

“Nothing, Ben, don’t worry about it.” Kylo gets up and looks outside. The number of people has doubled. He thinks now how stupid he was; the guy could have called the cops on him for assault.

Wouldn’t be the first time.

Ben joins him at the window. “It’s getting worse every day. How are we going to get to the car?”

“You can take the Falcon, it’s in the garage.” Han says, turning around to get the keys from the front rack.

Kylo nudges Ben and gives him a questioning, incredulous look. “What the fuck is he still doing here?” He whispers so that Han can’t hear him.

Ben shrugs and shakes his head.

“You should go,” Han says, back in the living room, the keys to the Falcon on his hand, with a weird grin on his face. “Ben is going to be late for his appointment.”


	6. Rey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Please let me forget_   
>  _All those sweet smiles_   
>  _All of the passion_   
>  _All of the heat, the peace, the pain_   
>  _And all those blue skies_   
>  _Where your words were my freedom_   
>  _Please, don't let me fall in love with you again_
> 
> [Don't](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/18aqyKqRZE05ABCfp07eBD?si=qn3CIepARCGoJuSuyljzqQ) by Jewel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut ahead! This chapter earns the tag Consensual Infidelity.

“Kylo?”

He slowly sits on the living room couch beside her, bravely meeting her gaze.

“Will you listen to me?” She gathers his hands on hers.

His face changes, as if he knows what she’s going to say. He nods.

“Promise me that you won’t say anything before I finish?”

He nods again.

“I want to take Ben out on a date. And I want to have sex with him if he wants to,” she sees Kylo’s face twisting but pushes through. “I need to do this, I want to do this. I love him and always will. I don’t know what this means, but one thing's for sure. I married you, and this is a commitment I did not take lightly, and I say that not because of any social pressure but because I love you and I want to be with you. I just want you to understand that I love him too. I’m telling you this because I would never cheat on you, I would never do this behind your back. And if you say that I shouldn’t, that I’ll hurt you beyond your ability to forgive me, I won’t do it.” She lets her breath out after she finishes. 

Kylo looks pensive. “Are you sure?” He asks quietly after a moment.

“Yes, but if you say no, I won’t go through with it.” She repeats carefully. 

“Are you sure you’re not just saying this to cover up the fact that you want to be with him?” His tone is not accusatory, it sounds like an honest question.

“Yes.” She says firmly.

A moment passes and he nods. “Okay.”

“And now I must ask you if you’re not just saying this to spare me?”

“I’m not. I mean it. You can go.”

“I’m not trying to hurt you…”

“I know.”

“But this is something I have to do...”

“I know.”

“I chose you. I love you.”

Kylo looks so young. Both brothers always look like that when they’re hurting and it makes Rey’s heart clench in her chest. She hopes Kylo understands the way he promised he does but when she’s about to ask again he squeezes her hands and looks at her in the eye.

“I trust you. And thank you for telling me. For some reason I don’t feel as bad as I expected. I should be freaking out but I’m not. Isn’t it weird?” He laughs without humor and shakes his head. “Maybe it’s because I know you love me. Maybe it’s because it’s Ben, I don’t know. This is just… it’s no one’s fault...”

“No, it isn't...” Rey says, holding her husband.

***

Rey and Ben meet at the restaurant to avoid the paparazzi. They are relenting a little bit but she doesn’t want them here, not today.

“How are you feeling?” She asks, shuffling through the menu.

“I’m better,” he says. “The physical therapists are really good and so is the clinic.”

“That’s great.”

“I really like my psychiatrist. He’s great. He never takes notes but he remembers everything I say. And the insight he offers is really helpful.”

“That’s amazing.” She smiles warmly at him and her heart eases a little.

He smiles too but it fades too quickly.

They eat together, Ben eats slowly and not too much, just like her. She used to tease him that the amount of food they ate together was enough to feed a small country.

“How’s work? Mom told me you are an architect now.”

“Yes,” she perks up in her seat with a smile and his eyes shine with pride. “I’m working for Snoke and associates. They are the biggest, most powerful architectural firm in Chandrila. They’ve given me a great opportunity.”

“That’s amazing,” Ben says with a genuine smile. “You deserve it.”

After they finish eating, they get in an adorable fight as to who will pay the bill. Rey hits him several times with a napkin when the waitress comes over.

“With what money, Ben?” Rey laughs.

“I’ll have you know that my Dad gave me some money to go out tonight.” Ben says with that beautiful smile that she loves.

She ends up paying among their laughs and she feels almost normal when she looks at him. 

They hop into a cab and he must know where she’s taking them because he is quiet, caressing her hand with his thumb.

The boulevard is emptier now that it’s fall but she doesn't mind. They don’t talk all the while, but hold hands as they walk, simply enjoying each other’s company as if nothing bad had ever happened. She stops in front of the closed ice cream parlour and steps on the curb.

She dares to look at him, expecting to find some sort of joy there. It’s there in his eyes, but there’s so much more now.

“Remember?” She asks in a whisper.

Ben nods. They are standing in front of each other, holding hands, and even after she’s stepped onto the curb, he’s still taller than her. Just like the first time they kissed.

"I still can't believe it sometimes... that you're here..." Rey says looking deep into his eyes.

They are sad but there's a ghost of a smile that passes by his lips.

Rey feels her love for him swelling in her heart. It comes back to her with all its fury and she holds onto his hands until it’s not enough. She leans in.

“Rey… we… we shouldn’t.” Ben mutters, moving away from her.

“Please, Ben…”

“Rey… what about Kylo?”

“He knows I’m here, he knows we’re together now… and what we’re about to do.”

Ben looks at her and it’s so painful to see that he doesn’t know what this is anymore than she does. The conflict plays in his face, twisting his beautiful features until he gives up and leans down to kiss her.

His taste stirs her memory. She lets out a needy sound at the sensation of his soft lips on hers after she was sure she’d never have them again. She kisses him like she used to do, capturing his upper lip and then letting go of it, sliding down to take the other, until he responds by gently grabbing the back of her head to open her mouth and let his tongue slide in.

They kiss like this for a long time, Rey feeling his heartbeat under her palm, strong and alive. She can’t help the tears that come down. It’s pain and relief and joy and heartbreak.

Wordlessly, they go back to Leia’s house. It’s very late so everyone is asleep. They sneak into Ben’s bedroom and he takes her in his arms to kiss her again.

He breaks the kiss to look at her as her sweater falls on the ground and she unbuttons her blouse. His eyes are filled with longing and he breathes deeply as she shimmies out of her skirt. His hands caress her skin everywhere and she’s already so aroused. Aroused by him and anything he does, just like it used to be. She can almost ignore all the afterthought of guilt at the possibility of hurting him, Kylo or herself if they do this.

Ben seems to have given up control; just like her, he needs this.

She pulls his shirt up from his torso and sees more scars over his thin body. She chokes as she looks at him.

She kisses every scar she can see, blessing them with her lips, willing for them to heal, or better yet, for them to never have caused him pain in the first place. She wishes with all her might that this was all a nightmare, that they were back over eight years ago, when they met and fell in love.

They strip to their skins and hold each other. His body is so warm against her, his thin muscles are tense and his erection is pressing against her stomach, pulsing and hot.

She looks at him, waiting for him to choose. Then, Ben leads her to his bed - too small for him now - and lays her down. He places wet kisses from her neck to her lower belly, his hands following his mouth.

He kneels between her legs. Touching her everywhere, he looks so serious and concentrated as well as aroused. She knows he’s remembering her body, recollecting memories, like she is. When his fingers brush her clit, she has to cover her mouth to muffle a moan that comes out of her throat. His touch is as erotic as it is worshipful, as if all he needed was to be touching her in every way he can. Maybe to make up for lost time, or maybe because this will be the last time.

His wrist twists and his fingers enter her. She pushes herself against his hand, sighing and grabbing on the sheets.

When his fingers leave her, she looks up.

“Rey?” His haunted voice says. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, Ben. Unless you don’t want to.”

“I do.” He simply says.

She briefly wishes he’d broach the subject, that he confronts her, that he asks her why or demands to know what this is. But he doesn’t, instead he lies on top of her, settling between her legs.

Ben’s eyes are bright as she feels his cock prod at her entrance. He pushes in and they both moan a little too loudly, but they can't help it. Ben is shaking and breathing hard as he places sweet kisses on her neck. Rey’s eyes are closed, trying not to cry.

He begins to move. When he looks at her again his eyes are calm and he blinks slowly. He gasps every time he thrusts into her and she opens up as much as she can to take him. The pleasure is so great, as great as her love for him.

“I love you, Ben…”

He whimpers when she says it and picks up his pace. “I love you…” He answers shakily.

“I love you forever, Ben…” She whispers over and over again.

More tears surge in their eyes as they let themselves go. It’s all a blur of moans and flesh and heat and emotion, all culminating in an orgasm that takes over all her senses. She can faintly hear Ben grunting as he finishes with one last thrust, filling her with him.

It aches in her heart, whatever this emotion is. Love, yes, but a love that’s not quite lost but still completely out of reach.

They stay there for a long time and make love once more before she has to go.

She leaves him with a kiss and more promises that her love for him is undying, no matter what happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Use condoms in real life, folks! :)


	7. Ben

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Treading cautiously_   
>  _We're changing scenery, be good for me_   
>  _Where the shadows will never speak of our history_   
>  _Forever ask in passing_   
>  _If it all could be everlasting_   
>  _When I'm here you're there_   
>  _'Cause I'm in the middle again_   
>  _Better be out in the middle of nowhere_
> 
> [Nowhere](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/18aqyKqRZE05ABCfp07eBD?si=qn3CIepARCGoJuSuyljzqQ) by George Olgivie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is two things: my favourite and the second most angsty one. Are you still with me?

Ben is the best patient at the clinic, making enormous progress week after week. His muscles are stronger, although they still aren’t as strong as they used to be. His lungs and heart are also recovering well, to the delight of the team of doctors and physical therapists assigned to his case.

Dr. Hux, his psychiatrist, says he’s also doing very well when it comes to his state of mind, despite the situation he’s in. Ben loves therapy. He’s so lucky and so privileged to have this, he knows. He wishes everyone could have access to it and that people treated mental health as seriously as they treat physical health.

They talk about Ben’s trauma and experience in captivity. About his family and the life he feels he lost. About the fact that everyone thought he was dead for so long. But most of all, they talk about Rey and Kylo.

“It’s no one’s fault…” Ben says, playing with the puzzle that Hux keeps in his office.

“You say that a lot,” Hux says. “And yet when you talk about them you use the words ‘guilt’ and ‘fault’. Do you feel guilty, Ben?”

“Yeah… yeah, I do. If I hadn’t enlisted. If I hadn’t left Rey for that mission.”

“Acknowledging the past is important, but don’t forget to look at the future. Our mistakes are there to teach us and it’s up to us to look on them and make better choices. So tell me, Ben, can you think of a way to make it better with what you’ve got?”

“I can leave.” Ben answers dryly.

“Yes, you’ve said that before,” Hux says. “Why would you think this is a solution, Ben?”

“Rey is gone, but it would have been easier had she married anyone else other than my brother,” Ben continues with regret, facing Hux’s concerned look. “Can you imagine what Christmas will be like? Our birthday?”

“It seems to me that you’ve made up your mind.”

“I have.”

“You must do what you feel is best for you, Ben, but just make sure you don’t make a hasty decision you’ll regret later.” Hux says patiently.

“It’s not much of a choice for me.”

“You always have a choice, Ben.”

“Not this time.”

“Don’t think of it as finite,” Hux says. “Give it more time to mature. The decisions we make are based on many things, Ben. Heartbreak is one of them but not the only one.”

“It’s just… too cruel to be around her and not have her. I lost her. And the fucked up thing is that I know she still loves me.” He says, remembering the night she gave him. Since then, he hasn't touched her more than a hug when she visits, and she doesn't know he cries himself to sleep almost every night. “And Kylo... he’s my brother, I still wanted him in my life, but I lost him too. Gosh, I lost them both.”

“Have you tried talking to them?”

“We’ve talked...”

“The three of you?”

“No, separately.” Ben answers and Hux gives him a knowing look. “And say what?” Ben replies a little too harshly, throwing the puzzle back on the side table. “‘Hey, Kylo, can you please give me my fiancée back?’ or some bullshit like that?”

“I understand your frustration, but what I mean is to let them know how you feel. Even if nothing is going to change. It might be helpful to you if you talk to them about your feelings.”

“It wouldn’t be fair to them.”

“You would only be expressing yourself.” Hux states calmly.

Ben takes a moment. “I… I don’t know…”

“Let’s try and label an emotion,” Hux continues. “What other feeling surges when you think about them?”

“Can it be one that I don't feel?”

“Of course.”

“Is it weird that I’m not jealous?”

“Not at all,” Hux says. “We are complicated beings, and we feel what we feel. But tell me: why do you think it’s weird?”

“Because…” Ben trails off, unable to explain. “Well, I should, shouldn’t I?”

“Why?” Hux insists patiently.

Ben shakes his head.

“Maybe give it a little thought. Investigate it on your own.” Hux offers.

Ben only nods.

“Give it more time, Ben,” Hux says. “It’s only been a few months. The healing process is a long one and you’ve only just started on that road.”

***

Ben is almost sure he lost the reporter on the subway on the way to Kylo and Rey’s house, he thinks as he climbs the stairs to their apartment. They live on the top floor of an old three storey historical town house that’s been divided into new apartments. Just like the one Rey said she’d like to have.

Now she lives there with Kylo.

He’s glad to find that the climb up doesn’t make him too winded.

Rey opens the door and he’s immediately snatched into a tight hug. Kylo is next and holds Ben, clapping him on the back.

“Hey, big brother.” Kylo says.

“Hey, little brother.” Ben replies with a grin.

He enters directly in their living room and kitchen, an open space with high ceilings bathed in sunlight from four large windows almost as high as the ceiling. It’s not too big, not too small.

“It’s perfect.” Ben says and can’t help the sadness that seeps into his voice. 

“Thank you, Ben.” Rey also forces a smile.

“How are you?” Kylo asks.

“I’m okay.” Ben says, glancing around the house. He sees plants everywhere, on the wall, on the dinner table and around this cozy looking couch. There's a TV. That’s probably Kylo’s idea.

“I’m so glad you decided to come. Do you want anything? Coffee? Water?” Rey asks, and he can hear a hint of nervousness in her voice.

“No, thank you.” Ben replies, spotting picture frames on the wall. He briefly sees one where Rey is wearing a white short dress and Kylo is dressed in a black formal shirt; they were caught climbing down some stairs, holding hands and smiling. There are others with Han and Leia too, Luke, Chewie... All of the moments in their lives he missed. But there are two of him also, he notices. An old one, of him and Kylo laughing as children sporting the same bad haircut and another, more recent one of Rey kissing his cheek.

“Um, maybe we can show you around the house…” Kylo says.

“I’m not staying for long.”

“Oh...” Kylo recoils a little.

“Are you okay, Ben?” Rey asks.

Ben takes a deep breath and looks at both Rey and Kylo. “I’m leaving.”

Rey’s lips part and she gasps lightly and Kylo frowns.

“What do you mean?” Rey asks with a weak voice.

“I’ve decided to move out of Mom’s house. I’m getting my own apartment, closer to the rehab centre and the university. I’m thinking about studying again.”

“Oh, okay, t-that’s great,” Rey’s shoulders relax and her voice shakes with relief. “And so we’ll see you at Leia’s house, right? When you visit? You can come over too since you’ll be closer--”

“No, Rey.”

Rey’s face falls again. “No? What do you mean no?” She asks quietly, taking a step towards Ben.

“I mean I’ll visit Mom, just not at the same time as you…” Ben forces himself to say.

“What do you mean?” Rey repeats louder, her eyes widening as she steps even closer.

“I’ve made up my mind. It will be better for all of us,” his voice breaks but he can’t help it. “I can’t be… near you… both of you… I have to stay away--”

The slap isn’t strong or painful, but it hurts him deeply because not even when he would leave for long missions or when they had their worst fights has he seen this look on her face.

He doesn’t get to look for long because she turns around and holds onto Kylo, who catches her in his embrace as she sobs.

“Ben!” Kylo says with gritted teeth. “What the fuck? You can’t leave!” He recognizes his brother’s tone; he’s about to burst. “You can’t leave _her_. Are you crazy?”

Rey is almost wailing in Kylo’s arms. Kylo helplessly glances at her and holds her tighter, and when his gaze meets Ben’s again, he can see that Kylo is only held together because he’s holding Rey.

“Kylo, what am I supposed to do?” It’s Ben’s turn to raise his voice as he lets it all out. “I can’t stay here and watch the two of you be together. I can’t suffer like this. I have to move on with my life!”

“You can’t leave!” Kylo repeats as Rey sobs in his arms. “You can’t leave _us_!”

“I already left!” Ben shouts. “I’m already gone! Already dead! Already buried!”

For the first time in his life, Ben sees tears run down the face of his twin. Kylo’s grip around Rey becomes protective, his body trying to shield her from Ben.

Ben is shaking and he feels like he can’t breathe looking at the two of them crying, holding each other. He hastily rubs his own tears away from his face, thinking he should leave them now. But he can’t move.

Rey slowly frees herself from Kylo’s arms and steps into his direction, still holding Kylo’s hand.

“That’s not true, Ben.” Rey whimpers. “You’re alive. You’ve come home.” She reaches out a hand for him as more tears run down her cheeks.

His gaze falls onto her hand and he takes it, brushing his fingers on hers.

“Let me go, Rey.” He begs at the same time their hands slide and fit together.

“Never. I love you.” She whispers, linking the three of them together, her face wet with tears.

“We love you, Ben.” Kylo says.

“I… It doesn’t matter,” Ben says, barely able to look at them in the eye, it hurts too much. “You can’t ask me to stay and watch you two be together. I can’t stay here and be in the way. I have to move on.”

“Move on…” Rey softly echoes, pulling Ben closer. “I want you to be happy, Ben.”

“I want you to be happy too. Both of you.” Ben says sincerely, stepping closer.

Kylo looks at him as Rey wraps her arms around both men. They embrace, the three of them weaving their arms together, weary and defeated.

It’s so comforting to be with them like this. He can breathe again despite the tears. He feels his brother hold his arm firmly as they lean against each other with Rey in the middle and allow themselves to be calm for a while.

“You don’t have to leave…” Kylo’s voice says after a moment.

“Kylo, I’ve made up my mind.” Ben sniffles.

“You… you could… stay… live here, with us…”

Ben lifts his head and locks eyes with Kylo. Rey also looks at him.

Ben’s mouth opens and closes several times as he tries to understand. “W-what… what are you saying, Kylo?” He carefully asks, his arms falling from Rey and Kylo, slowly parting the embrace.

“We could… I mean… We could live together…” Kylo mumbles with fearful, hopeful eyes and he glances at Rey who has stopped crying completely. Mouth agape, she stares at Ben looking just as hopeful.

Ben breaks away from them and takes a few steps back. “You… you can’t be serious…”

“Ben… you could… you _could_ stay!” Rey breathes out, eyes wide.

“No. No! This is insane!” His mind is spiralling out of control. He can’t conceive of it.

“It’s not insane,” Kylo says, almost sheepishly. “Some… some people do it…”

“Ben!” Rey gasps and looks at him expectantly, the fear and pain gone from her eyes.

Ben is breathing hard, unbelieving their suggestion.

“Listen to yourselves… I… No. No!” Ben stumbles forward to the door. He needs to leave.

But before he can reach it, Kylo grabs him by the arm.

“Don’t leave her, Ben. Don’t do it.”

Ben is so shocked he can’t say anything. He shoves Kylo away and runs out the door.


	8. Flashbacks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Nothing ever comes like it did when you were in it_   
>  _Keeping nothing for yourself like a stone cold killer_
> 
> _Now you're passing your people like a ship in the night_  
>  _Looking to every stranger for a fight_  
>    
> [The Killer + The Sound](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/18aqyKqRZE05ABCfp07eBD?si=qn3CIepARCGoJuSuyljzqQ) by Phoebe Bridgers + Noah & Abby Gundersen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where the angst reaches its peak. These are flashbacks showing what happened to them in more detail.  
> Hope you survive this chapter.

Ben 

Ben is sure she’s an angel. She’s golden. Her eyes are golden, her skin is golden, her smile is golden. He sighs like an idiot when he sees her again at the café. She works at this cute little place too far from campus, but he goes out of his way just so he can see her.

And she always smiles so bright when she spots him. He wonders what she’d say if he asked her out.

“Hello, Rey.” He says, clenching his fists, doing his best impression of a confident person. He knows her name because he awkwardly asked her right after she had asked for his, for the coffee.

“Hi, Ben!” She replies, lighting up the room with her smile. “How are you today?”

So much better now, he thinks. “I’m good. You?”

“I’m okay…”

They stare at each other for a few moments and it’s getting ridiculous.

“Black coffee, as usual?”

“Yes, please.” He says.

He stands by the counter, watching her work the machine. He can do this. She turns around once in a while and smiles at him. He thinks he’s about to burst.

When the coffee is ready she places it on the counter. He takes a deep breath but when he looks at her, her smile is gone and she is frowning.

“Ben?”

His face falls. “Yeah?” Has he done something wrong? Has he said something wrong? It wouldn't be the first time…

“Uh... There’s this new place that opened. I was wondering if you’d like to go there with me.” She says and her cheeks flush violently.

It takes him a moment to recover from the shock. “Oh… Y-yes! I would love to!”

Her smile is back and it’s beautiful.

They go out the next day. They eat at this lovely restaurant with a terrace and she tells him that she’s a freshman in architectural studies and he says he’s an English major at the same university. She tells him she grew up in foster care because her parents abandoned her. The tale is told with forced detachment, as if she doesn’t feel the old pain anymore, but he can hear it in her voice. He tells her that his parents are divorced and that he has a twin brother who he hasn’t seen in years. Long story, he tells her. He’s been thinking of joining the military. Just like his grandfather did. Long story also.

On the sidewalk, she steps onto the curb after they had ice cream. He has no idea who leaned in first but now he’s kissing her and she’s humming against his lips and he feels like he’s floating in the air. She holds onto him as she kisses him, running her hands through his hair.

She asks if he wants to come up to her dorm. Her roommate is away or something, he doesn’t know because he didn’t hear anything after she asked him if he wants to come up.

They make love on her bed. Then in her shower. Then on her bed again in the morning.

In the following weeks, he tells her that he loves her. She says it back. And he wonders if he’ll ever stop smiling.

Rey 

Rey is sure she’ll never stop crying. She feels like she’s lost half of her soul. She can’t eat; she’s lost a kilo already and can’t seem to find anything that she can keep down. She’s taken shelter in Leia's house because she can’t be at home surrounded by his clothes, his things, his smell. But there’s always her engagement ring, weighing heavily on her finger.

It’s been a week of this nightmare where Ben is dead and everything hurts and nothing makes sense.

She goes down the stairs dressed in black clothes to join Leia and Han for the funeral. But before she reaches the last steps, she hears his voice. A loud gasp leaves her and her heart jumps inside her chest. She almost tumbles down the stairs.

Ben is standing there, in the hallway, talking to his parents. His hair is longer and he has a goatee, and she can see a tattoo on his right arm where he didn’t have one. He hates tattoos. He’s wearing unusual clothes and shoes. Something about him is different. The way he carries himself is not the same. Neither is the way he is looking at her.

The shock and confusion make her light-headed. But he’s here in front of her eyes and the most blessed relief washes over her. She’s almost euphoric. Of course he isn’t dead, this really was just a bad dream.

Then, her stupid brain finally understands: Kylo.

They are all looking at her when she bends over and starts to cry from the pain that’s come back full force. If she could process rational thoughts, she’d be embarrassed for making a scene.

But there’s nothing she can do to keep her tears from blinding her. She grips onto the railing as she hears hurried steps and gentle hands urging her up.

“Rey...” She hears Leia’s voice and feels her hands trying to hold her. “It’s okay, Rey. We’re here.”

She is shaking so much that she can’t stand up. Another pair of hands help her up and she comes face to face with Han’s worried eyes.

“We’ve got you, kid.” His hoarse voice says.

She sees a blur behind Han and Leia approach. She can’t look at him, she’ll die.

“I’m sorry,” Kylo mumbles.

She can’t take this. Rey frees herself from Leia and Han and runs back up. In the guest room, she is shaking and crying and begins to throw her things on the floor, too desperate and hurt to do anything else.

Rey had completely forgotten about Ben’s twin, Kylo. They rarely mention him and for what she knows, he shouldn't be here.

After the funeral, Rey just sits there, wishing she could just stop existing. She feels dead, although that’s not true, if she were dead she wouldn’t be feeling this pain; she’s alive, very much so.

She glares at Kylo, cursing him for being there. It was practically seeing a ghost.

She chuckles bitterly; they had to wake her up because she had fainted in her room. Now she feels ashamed on top of everything for causing this much trouble for Leia and Han in a time like this.

They were awkwardly introduced by Han at one point. “Rey, this is Kylo. Kylo, this is Rey, your brother’s fiancée.” Han had said. They shook hands briefly and she wanted to disappear.

Kylo makes eye contact with her from across the room and now he’s walking towards her. She curses inwardly and wants to walk away but she can’t now because of the eye contact.

“Rey?” She wants to cover her ears so she won’t hear his voice, identical to Ben.

“Yeah?” She forces herself to answer in a civil manner.

“I just wanted to say how sorry I am…” Kylo says and she’s not sure exactly what he’s sorry for but then he clarifies. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s okay.” She lies.

“I, uh, I’m sorry we never met before…”

She nods without looking at him.

“Okay, so, I’m going to go help Mom… if you need anything, let me know.” He says and walks away. She lets out her breath and risks glancing at him.

He’s not Ben. They are identical twins but the differences are glaring. She knows - knew - Ben so well and even begins to think they don’t even look alike at all. Kylo has a mole on his face where Ben doesn’t - didn’t - and his hair falls to the back of his head whereas Ben’s falls - fell - to the right.

She hates him so much. And it’s not even his fault.

Kylo 

Kylo is sure Rey hates him, even if she seems to be able to look at him with a lot more ease now. 

“Thank you,” she says as he pulls over in front of their old apartment. “Thank you for doing this with me.” It came as a surprise when she asked him to help her, but he agreed immediately.

“It’s… sure… of course…” Kylo says. He can’t help but stare sometimes. He loves her kind eyes and the way she moves around things. Like everything is fragile and precious, like she needs to be careful not to hurt or break. That would have annoyed him had it come from anyone else, but from her it’s natural, effortless and genuine.

This honesty is something he appreciates.

He still hasn’t cried for Ben. He hasn’t cried since he was a child, and, if the death of his twin brother can’t make him do it, he figures nothing will.

Pain, however, is something that Kylo knows very well. He is a specialist, he thinks as they get inside the elevator. What happened to Ben, the way it happened and the last thing Kylo said to him makes his heart twist with it.

They go inside their apartment and Rey suddenly grabs Kylo’s hand. He holds onto her until she’s ready to carry on.

They begin to pack her things first because she says it’s easier. When she’s finished, Kylo grabs the boxes. They put all Ben’s things into the boxes to take to Leia’s attic until they can figure out what to do with it.

They are in the bedroom and Rey is standing in front of the closet, handing Ben’s clothes to Kylo, when she halts, and it’s like he can feel that she’s about to fall to her knees.

He swiftly catches her and she sobs in his arms. She’s holding something against her chest. It looks like a sweater. Her body shakes against his and he hauls her on his arms and carries her to the bed. He sits there and she curls herself into a fetal position held by him as she rubs the sweater on her chest and face.

She cries and cries in Kylo’s arms until she can’t anymore.

“Stupid sweater,” Rey says after she’s calmed down a little. “I gave it to him but I accidentally poked a hole through it. I was mortified but Ben told me that it was his favourite sweater now because I had marked it. We called it ‘the good boy sweater’.”

Kylo’s eyes burn with unshed tears; for his brother, for Rey and for himself.

“I’ve never felt so alone.” She says.

“You’re not alone.” He replies holding her tighter.

“Neither are you.” She tells him, holding him back.

Ben 

Ben is alone. He cries the names of his fellow soldiers but they don’t answer. He tries not to panic but he can’t unclip his seatbelt and the helicopter is on fire. He hears the sound of gunshots getting closer.

The seatbelt finally rips and he crawls through the twisted metals and fire, checking for survivors but there are none. He finally stumbles away from the wreckage and runs as fast as he can. The helicopter explodes behind him.

He hears the noise of vehicles somewhere.

He runs and runs but he’s surrounded by jeeps and cars and they are pointing guns at him. He thinks he’s about to die. He sees Rey’s beautiful face. He thinks of his parents and even his stupid brother. How he’s never going to see them again.

But he doesn’t die. They don’t shoot him. Instead they tie his wrists and manhandle him into a truck. And he feels the cold grasp of dread take hold of him.

Kylo 

Ben gazes at him with a calm that only serves to make Kylo angrier. “You’re sick and you need help,” Ben says, but Kylo doesn’t want to hear it.

“Shut up!” Kylo shouts. “You think you’re better than me?”

“I don’t think I’m--”

“Fuck you! You’ve always been their favourite!”

“Oh, come on, Kylo, there’s no such thing--”

“It’s fucking true and you know it!” Kylo yells. “That’s why they sent me to that psychopath!”

“That psychopath is our uncle--”

“He ruined my life! You all ruined my life!”

“That’s so typical of you! Blaming everyone else for your bad choices.”

“Oh yeah? Is it my mistake that they sent me away?”

“They were trying to do what was best for you.”

“Bullshit! You don’t know what it feels like to be sent away. To spend an entire life under your shadow. To see our parents love and admire you but see me as a monster. They were so ready to get rid of me and keep _you_!” His voice falters against his will and he feels the tears that only serve to choke him, never coming out.

He grabs the portrait of the four of them and throws it on the wall where it shatters.

“If you weren’t here they’d love me! If you weren’t here they’d want me as their son! I wish you were dead!” Kylo screams on his brother’s face. “I wish you were fucking DEAD!”

Ben’s voice is still calm when he speaks. “You are a monster.”

“Yes, I am.” He seethes.

Kylo never looks back as he slams the door and walks into the darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things will get better soon, I promise. But the hill of angst is not a steep one...


	9. Kylo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Turn back the time_   
>  _Let it out and let's be young again, be five_
> 
> _I might not be old_  
>  _It doesn't mean I can't be younger, for a time_
> 
> _So live life young_  
>  _And brother, I will be young with you_
> 
> [Young](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/18aqyKqRZE05ABCfp07eBD?si=qn3CIepARCGoJuSuyljzqQ) by Ed Wells

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading, it means so much to me. Your comments and kudos give me life. Every single one has made my heart so full. I had a lot of grief to expiate so thank you for being on this journey with me.
> 
> The healing begins, but like I said, we’re going down the hill of angst...

Kylo feels ashamed. He replays the events of last night and he still can’t believe he said it. He glances at Rey’s sleeping figure, her back to him. She didn’t sleep well and she didn’t eat dinner. To be fair, neither did he.

He’s not sure what came over him. Of course Ben would be appalled. Kylo himself is still weirded out by all this.

Rey stirs and faces him. “Baby...” He croons and she scoots over to him. They lie there together for a while, Kylo listening to Rey’s breathing, her hands buried in his hair.

“Do you want to talk about it?” She says.

“I’m sorry I even said that, Rey. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“Well, I’m not sorry.”

“I should have asked you first.” Kylo says. “I got carried away.”

“Kylo, I can’t think of anything I want more. I’m so glad you want it too.”

“Rey, think about it...”

“I have! I love you both. I want you both. That’s the solution!”

“This is not anywhere near a solution. Didn’t you see how Ben reacted?”

“I know, but…”

“If Ben doesn’t want it, then…” Kylo says.

Rey nods, but still has that stubborn look on her face.

“So you’re not freaked out by this?” He asks.

“No. I’m not.”

Kylo sighs. “Rey, think of Mom and Dad.”

“What about them?”

“They won’t accept it.”

“They will!”

“They’re not as open minded as you think them to be,” Kylo says. “It was weird enough when we got together, remember?”

“Yeah, but they love us,” Rey says, looking incredulous. “They want us to be happy.”

“And it’s not just that. What would other people think?”

“Fuck them.” She shrugs but she’s still frowning.

“You could lose your job,” Kylo retorts. “I could lose clients. Not to mention Mom’s reelection campaign next year…”

Rey looks slightly appalled. “Do you think she would put her career before her children?”

“Maybe not intentionally, but she’s done it before…” He trails off.

Rey sighs and blinks slowly. Kylo’s stomach churns with worry. She’s looking so thin, her face is too pale and she has no energy. Ben is getting better, she’s getting worse.

“Come on. You promised me you’d eat breakfast.”

“Okay…” Rey says and presses a long kiss on his lips before getting up.

***

Kylo turns on the heat of the shitty Zipcar as he waits in front of his Mom’s house for Ben. He checks his phone for messages but there’s still only the ones from earlier.

 **Kylo:** Do you still want me to drive you?

 **Ben:** Yes, please. If you can.

He can tell that Ben is still mad.

Before Kylo can unbuckle the seatbelt to get out of the car, the passenger door opens and Ben gets in.

“Drive.” Ben says.

Kylo swallows and puts the gear in and they’re off.

“Pull over.” Ben says after they’re a few blocks from the house.

Kylo does and turns off the engine.

“We have to talk.” Ben says and Kylo is already thinking he doesn’t like these car talks they keep having all the time.

“Listen, Ben, if this is about last night--”

“No,” Ben interrupts. “This is not about Rey. This is not about that.”

Kylo stares at him.

“This is about you and me.”

Kylo is still frowning at him, but Ben takes a deep breath and begins.

“Do you remember, Kylo, how it used to be when we were little?” Ben asks with his calm, but weary voice. “We were always together; two little shits that were one minute away from burning the entire house down…”

Kylo lets out a little snort at the memories.

“But suddenly everything changed and Mom and Dad sat us down saying that you weren’t going to live with us anymore. I was so confused. But it didn’t matter. Because I should have taken your side... we were always on each other’s side, weren’t we? And I betrayed you.” Ben says with a strained voice. “I cannot imagine your pain, Kylo.”

“Ben…” There’s a lump in his throat.

“Will you forgive me?”

“There’s nothing to forgive,” Kylo says sincerely. “You were just a kid like me.”

Ben looks so tired but there’s a little more light in his eyes.

“Ben…” Kylo says and he can feel the tears welling up. “If anyone needs forgiveness is me… The last thing I said to you… That night...” He hates that memory and hates to revisit it, but he must.

“No, Kylo, it’s okay…”

“...it fucking came true...” Kylo clenches the wheel in his hands.

“No, Kylo, it didn’t,” Ben looks firmly at him. “It didn’t.”

“...I never wanted that, you have to believe me.” Kylo pleads with tears flowing free on his cheeks.

“Of course I believe you.” Ben says kindly.

“Many times I wished it had been me... I deserved it, you didn’t.” Kylo confesses.

“Kylo, don’t say that.” Ben clenches his jaw, looking dead serious and a little angry. “Don’t you ever say that. Promise me you don’t believe it.”

“When you were gone I felt so guilty. Since then I’ve made things right with Mom and Dad.” Kylo continues. “But I was never going to have the chance to do that with you.”

Ben sniffles and wipes the tears from his face as well.

“But now I can.” Kylo says. “It’s a fucking miracle!” A bitter laugh comes out of his lungs.

Ben lets out his breath loudly.

“I have my brother back,” Ben concludes, but those words could have been said by Kylo as well. “I don’t want to lose him again.”

This crying business is already wearing him off and he wishes he could open the door and run away from this. That’s when he feels his brother’s hand on his shoulder.

Kylo goes to him when Ben pulls him into a hug.

“I love you, little brother.” Ben says.

“I love you, big brother.” Kylo replies shakily. “I’m so happy you’re alive… I’m so happy you’re back, Ben…”

“I’m happy you’re back too…” Ben says and they finally smile at each other among the tears. “We’ve both come home…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you wondering, this is Kylo’s tattoo but the design would be either butterflies or a falcon:


	10. Rey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Why do I keep the hours_   
>  _I'm trying to find a way_   
>  _Feel like I am losing my mind again_
> 
> [Lighthouse](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/18aqyKqRZE05ABCfp07eBD?si=qn3CIepARCGoJuSuyljzqQ) by Axel Flóvent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Internalized prejudice is something very hard to overcome.

Christmas at Leia’s is usually quiet, just Leia, Rey and Kylo, with the eventual visit from Han or Luke. Leia normally doesn’t have a tree or any other decorations besides the red dining tablecloth and festive napkins. Kylo only goes to see his parents, he hates Christmas with a passion. Used to, at least. Still, the holidays at Leia’s house is the best thing in the universe for Rey.

This time, however, Leia insisted on inviting everyone. There’s even a garland on the door when Rey and Kylo get there, holding the potato salad he made. Leia opens the door and hugs them warmly, beaming at them.

“My darling boy,” she says, touching her son’s face, her eyes bright.

“Happy Christmas, Mom.” Kylo says.

“Rey, dear,” Leia hugs her too. “Come on in! It’s cold.”

Rey manages a smile, stepping into the house. She finds herself immediately looking for Ben. They haven’t spoken since that day and her stomach churns again.

Rey and Kylo are the last ones there and they all greet each other excitedly. Ben is the last one. When he comes to greet her, she becomes tense, waiting to be met with… she doesn’t even know. But Ben wraps his arms around her into a strong hug and she closes her eyes and breathes him in, before they have to pull away.

Lando and Jannah have brought too much booze again. Lando says it was Jannah, Jannah says it was her dad. Luke says there’s no such thing as too much booze. He and Han are in the kitchen preparing the food. Chewie is setting the table and Leia is still fixing the lush Christmas tree with new decorations. There are lights everywhere. The fireplace is lit. The smell of food is amazing. There is so much laughter in the house.

Rey smiles. She tries to feel happy. She _is_. She is when she thinks about Leia, Han, and everyone else. About Kylo, the love of her life… And about Ben, the other love of her life. All of them alive and happy and together.

But it feels incomplete and she hates it. It shouldn’t feel this way.

At one point, Rey takes Ben outside despite the cold.

“Ben, I’m sorry...” She says, looking to the ground. “Please don’t hate us…”

“Rey, I could never hate you.” He says looking like the mere mention of the idea is absurd. His hand reaches out to touch her face but he stops himself.

“We take it back,” Rey says. “It wasn’t something we should even have considered. I see that now. Also… I understand if you want to leave, to move on as you put it, and if you never want to see us again.” She does her best to keep her voice under control. “And I’m sorry I slapped you…”

“It was nothing--”

“No, Ben, it was wrong. I shouldn’t have done that. It’s not okay.” Her cheeks burn with shame.

Ben looks at her the way it makes her want to hold him and never let him go. She hates herself for hurting him.

“Thank you,” he finally says, in a tone Rey can’t decipher. “I appreciate you saying that.”

She wants to hug him again but it feels too soon for that.

“I’m sorry too, Rey,” Ben continues. “For everything. I shouldn’t have stormed out like that.”

“It’s fine…”

“It seems like this is all we do these days,” he sighs deeply, looking at the snow falling. “Say we’re sorry for hurting each other…”

Silence falls between them. It feels like they’re breaking up and maybe they are, in this weird situation they’re in. But she hopes that this will begin to make things right, of maybe calming things down.

“I’m not leaving.” Ben says, moving closer. “It was a bad idea.”

Rey is overjoyed but keeps herself in check. “I’m glad, Ben.”

Ben’s eyes search her face. “Are you okay, sweetheart?” He asks.

“I am.” She answers, too tired to explain. Ben nods.

“We should go back inside. It’s cold.” Ben says softly.

“Yeah.” She says and walks past him. She feels his fingers brush hers and halts. He snatches her into another tight hug and she can feel him shaking, but she bets it’s not from the cold.

***

There’s this lemon tart that Leia always makes that Rey loves. Leia says it’s the only recipe she learned from her mother and the first time Rey tried it, she loved it. So much so that Leia began to make it more often. It became a tradition that Rey was more than happy to be a part of. Sure enough, there’s one on the table waiting for her after the meal she barely managed to eat. She smiles, wishing Leia hadn’t, but cuts a piece and puts it on her plate.

She takes a bite.

The sugar makes her feel sick almost immediately and she puts it aside. It kills her to waste food like this and the fact that she can’t bring herself to eat it only adds to her crushing anxiety.

She feels someone behind her and turns around.

She finds Leia smiling at her.

“It’s okay, Rey,” she says with an understanding look. “You don’t have to.”

“I’m sorry…” Rey says. Leia gives her a motherly smile that always works to comfort her. Rey supposes Leia remembers all too well how it was when Ben died.

“You don’t have to be sorry. For any of it.” Leia says.

Rey offers her best smile and she knows that it’s barely a grin.

“How are you, my dear?” Leia asks, taking Rey’s hand on hers.

“I’m okay.” Rey lies for the second time that day.

Leia searches for her gaze and Rey is almost afraid to meet it.

“Well… I’m a mess. But a good mess, I guess.” She says and Leia seems satisfied with her answer for the moment.

Leia leans against the table next to Rey and gazes at the boys. Kylo is having a beer with Jannah and Ben is talking to Chewie. Han, Luke and Lando complete the group at the living room, all talking animatedly, drinking and having dessert.

“Can you believe it, Rey?” Leia chuckles, looking at the scene.

Rey almost can’t.

“How are you?” Rey asks.

“I have my family back.” Leia lightly shakes her head with a proud smile that reaches her eyes, something that had been lacking on Leia’s face before Ben came back. Rey has never seen her so happy.

Rey smiles a little bit wider, but there’s a twinge of guilt that hits her heart.

“It’s the press that’s giving me a hard time… and the campaign is just gearing up…” Leia continues.

“Busy?”

“Yes, but I feel like I should be there more because everyone is working so hard, but when I’m there all I can think about is Ben and how he’s doing and that I shouldn’t leave him alone. Then there’s Kylo. It’s so hard to tell how he’s handling it. I never knew how to be there for him. I like to think that he trusts me now.”

“He does.” Rey says and she means it.

Leia smiles softly. “And there’s all these questions about Ben all the time. I’m used to dodging this sort of thing but they are being so cruel.”

“What are they saying?” Rey asks while watching Chewie pet Ben’s hair. Ben’s shy smile is so beautiful.

Leia hesitates but recovers quickly. “You know what? It doesn’t matter. It’s Christmas. We should enjoy ourselves.”

Rey hums and toasts her glass when Leia offers hers.

Her eyes follow Leia as she goes to the living room to join them and notices Kylo across the room, talking to Jannah. He seems to be enjoying himself, despite his sad eyes. She wants to go talk to him but before she moves, Luke approaches them.

She can’t hear what they’re saying but Kylo crosses his arms and glares at his uncle. Luke keeps talking to him and Jannah and that only makes Kylo moodier. She can see Kylo is holding back, probably not wanting to create a scene in front of Jannah.

Rey likes Luke well enough, but she knows their relationship - or lack thereof - has always been a sensitive subject, even after Kylo made amends with his family. He still can’t seem to forgive his uncle. Rey doesn’t blame him.

Rey hopes with all her might that she hasn’t caused yet another rift in this recently mended family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does my fic pass the Bechdel Test?


	11. Ben

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Baby, I used to only like to sing along_   
>  _But now I swear I'll sing you every single song_
> 
> [This One's Yours](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/18aqyKqRZE05ABCfp07eBD?si=qn3CIepARCGoJuSuyljzqQ) by John Vincent III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter sets things off to be better, but it does start with a little bit of angst (it’s really minor, I swear), hence the tag ‘Visit to the hospital’. Then there’s the ridiculous fluff that I love.
> 
> The tag ‘Accidental voyeurism’ is also earned here, hehehe.

Kylo is late. He’s never late, Ben thinks when he looks outside the window for the fourth time. Ben figures he should call.

Kylo sounds out of breath on the phone. “Oh, fuck, Ben. I’m sorry I didn’t call you.”

“Is everything okay?” Ben asks.

“I don’t want you to worry,” Kylo says and Ben is immediately worried.

“Kylo,” Ben intones. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“It’s nothing serious...”

“Jesus, Kylo, tell me what the fuck is going on!”

There’s a pause before Kylo speaks again.

“Rey’s sick.”

Ben’s breath leaves his lungs and he almost drops the phone. “What?”

“It’s nothing serious—“

“I’m coming over!”

“We’re on our way to the hospital.“

“Oh, my god!”

“Ben, calm down. She’s fine, she’s just a bit weak.”

Ben takes a deep breath.

“Okay,” Ben huffs. “Which hospital are you going to?”

***

Ben bursts through the doors of the hospital and strides to where Kylo said he’d be waiting. Ben called Hux on his way to see if he could refer them to someone. To his surprise and gratitude, his psychiatrist told him to take Rey to the hospital where Hux works instead, saying he would see Rey himself.

Kylo gets up when he sees Ben and the brothers hug briefly.

“What happened?” Ben asks.

“She hasn’t been eating properly,” Kylo says. “She’s trying, but…”

“Still?”

“Yeah…”

Ben sighs deeply and slumps into the seat in front of Kylo. His twin is staring at the floor and shakes his head slightly.

“She’s going to be okay.” Kylo says.

“It’s my fault, isn’t it?” Ben replies with a vacant stare. 

Kylo faces Ben. “No, Ben. Why would you think that?”

Ben gives his brother a knowing look. “You know why.”

“Ben,” Kylo says firmly. “It’s no one’s fault.”

“I feel so bad.”

“Don’t… you have enough to worry about--”

A door opens and out comes Rey, followed by Hux. She looks so weak, bracing herself. Ben’s heart tightens in his chest.

“If you need anything,” Hux says to Rey. “You can call me, okay?”

“Thank you so much, Dr. Hux.” Rey says with a shy smile.

“My pleasure,” Hux says, shaking Rey’s hand. 

“Hux,” Ben says walking over to them. “Thank you so much for this.”

“I’m happy to help,” Hux says, shaking Ben’s hand. “I’ll see you soon, Ben. It was nice to meet you, Kylo.”

“Likewise. Thank you, Dr. Hux.” Kylo says.

“Don’t forget to wash your hands!” Hux says with a friendly smile before he disappears back into his office.

They get in an Uber, Rey sitting snugly between the brothers, holding both their hands. She places her head on Kylo’s shoulder and squeezes Ben’s hand as the car navigates the slushy streets of the grey January day.

“He used the words ‘emotional stress’,” Rey says quietly. “And he said the lack of appetite is a normal response but that I should try and eat something if I can, rest and drink water. He referred me to a colleague since he can’t see me himself. I want to give it a try…”

“You should, Rey,” Ben says. “Therapy is very helpful.”

Rey looks at him and places a kiss on his cheek that he can feel for the rest of the trip.

Back at the apartment, Kylo opens the door and Ben’s eyes follow Rey going inside. He hates it when she hunches and braces herself like this, he knows exactly what it means.

“Rey?” Ben calls her name and she turns around. He quickly walks over to her and gently grabs her shoulders. “Sweetheart...”

She growls and rubs her face. “Oh, I hate feeling this way.”

She then leans into his chest and he holds her to him.

“I love you, Ben,” Rey says and Ben can’t help the glance he shoots at Kylo. But his twin simply walks over to them and wraps his arms around Ben and Rey again, like he did that day…

“I love you, Rey.” Ben closes his eyes and whispers into her hair, feeling Kylo’s hand squeeze his arm in a tender, supportive gesture.

But unlike that day, Ben stays and enjoys it. It’s a relief in a way, like he’s allowed to be a part of their happiness, even if it’s just for a moment. It’s almost enough to make him believe it.

***

“So… rolled oats, peanut butter, bananas, maple syrup, milk, chocolate, and…” Ben counts on his hands the ingredients and closes his eyes, trying to remember the last one. “Coconut flakes!” He says triumphantly.

Kylo laughs. “The bananas,” he asks, placing the ingredients on the counter. “Mashed or diced?”

“Ha, trick question. She likes banana _coins_ on top.”

The brothers laugh as they pour the milk on the oats and turn on the stove.

“It’s disgusting.” Kylo says.

“The worst.” Ben agrees.

“What are you two doing?” Rey’s voice asks from the corridor.

Kylo immediately runs to her and blocks her view. “Hey!” She yelps. “I want to see!”

They all laugh as he jumps in front of her. “We’re not doing anything! And you’re not allowed in the kitchen!”

Rey’s laugh is like music to Ben’s ears. “Let me see! It smells so good… Ooo, is that my porridge?!”

Ben comes to the rescue and stands next to his twin. “Go back to bed, miss!”

“Boys…” Rey threatens but they just snicker and don’t move.

“Bed. Now.” Kylo says and Rey rolls her eyes with affection but obeys.

Moments later, the boys show up in the bedroom with the porridge they made and a bottle of maple syrup, coffee for Ben and tea for Kylo. They sit on the bed and place the tray in front of Rey.

“Thank you, my loves, this is amazing.” She says with a large smile and takes a spoonful. She hums in satisfaction from the blob of random baking ingredients as Ben calls it. Or simply porridge, seeing as all porridges are disgusting, according to Kylo.

“Oh, come on!” Rey says with her mouth full. “It’s so good!”

Ben chuckles as Kylo rolls his eyes. “Want some?” She says, holding a spoonful in Kylo’s direction.

“What makes you think I’ve changed my mind?”

She shrugs with a smirk. “Ben?”

“Not hungry, thank you.”

The next moment Rey jumps on Ben with the spoon in her hand, searching for his mouth.

“Rey! The coffee--”

Luckily, Kylo swiftly snatches the cup from Ben’s hand as Rey straddles him, threatening him with the porridge. They all laugh, Ben gently holding her wrists as he swerves the spoon full of the evil mush.

After realizing her attempts are futile, she turns to Kylo.

“Oh, shit…” Kylo only has time to hand the cups over to Ben before Rey is on top of him. They wrestle on the bed, Kylo fending off Rey’s attack.

“Eat it!!!” Rey laughs an evil laugh.

At last, Rey gives up and giggles as she eats the porridge on top of him, to his disgust. Ben is grinning so hard at the scene. He places the cups safely on the nightstand and lays down on his back next to them.

They spend hours there talking about benign subjects, like movies and shows Kylo and Rey like to watch. Kylo talks about his gym, and how he built it from scratch and now he has more clients than he can handle. Kylo still seems oblivious of the comments under his pictures on the gym’s Instagram posts. They talk about how he has plans to expand, Rey would be in charge of the renovations, or course. Rey talks about her job at Snoke’s, how tough it is but how much she is thankful that they hired her, a nobody straight out of college. She hopes to bring a fresh approach to the firm someday. Ben says he’s going back to uni to study psychology. He wants to help people who have been through trauma and ideally work with veterans.

They order pizza. Ben is relieved to see Rey eating two slices. Definitely not her best, seeing as she could eat a whole pizza all by herself, but he’s thankful for the progress. They eat on the living room floor drinking beer, talking and laughing.

“Be right back,” Ben announces, feeling a little tipsy after all that beer.

Ben goes to the bathroom and walks back to the room. When he reaches the end of the hallway he glances at them in the living room. He does a double-take.

Rey is on Kylo’s lap, straddling him. Her arms are around his neck, fingers sunk in his hair. Kylo has one hand inside Rey’s sweatpants, squeezing her ass; his other hand strongly grips the back of her neck. They are kissing with their mouths open, moaning and breathing hard. Rey grinds her body on Kylo’s and he responds by pushing his hips up.

The sight sends a rush of blood straight to his cock and it twitches in his pants several times. He is frozen, hypnotized at Rey making out with someone that looks almost exactly like him; it’s like watching himself do it.

He hides back in the corridor, ashamed and scared by his own reaction. But it doesn’t help. He can hear them kissing and moaning, and those sounds are enough to cause his cock to become harder than he has ever been in his life.

As silently as he can, he goes back to the bathroom, leaning against the door. He takes deep breaths and looks down, begging his cock to give it up.

But all he can think about is the way Kylo’s hands touched Rey’s body and how beautiful they looked like that. How small she looked compared to him and he wondered if she would look like that with Kylo on top of her.

His hands are on his pants the next second, freeing his cock from his underwear.

He gasps at the first tug, wishing he could keep watching them. Or maybe join them. He thinks about how it would feel to touch Rey at the same time as his twin brother. His hand moves faster and faster at the thought of how it would feel to have her pleasure one while the other gave it to her. How it would feel to take turns with her. How it would feel to be inside her at the same time—

He comes hard. It hits his entire body and brain, jolting him away from reality. The waves of pleasure make him shudder and gasp as thick ropes of cum erupt from his cock.

He looks down at the mess he made and shame takes over. He cleans himself up without looking at the mirror and goes back to the living room, making as much noise as he can.

When he reaches the room he’s almost afraid to look. But Rey is only sitting next to Kylo with her head on his shoulder and Kylo is lightly brushing her hand with his thumb.

“I, uh… I should go…”

“Oh, okay.” Rey says with a soft smile. “I’ll walk you.”

Rey gets up to walk him to the door. Her eyes are happy when she kisses him on the cheek. “Don’t take the subway. Call an Uber. It’s getting late.”

“Already have,” he lies, shaking his phone. “Good night…”

“Night!” Kylo yells from the living room floor. “Text us when you get home.”

“I will,” Ben shouts back and turns around towards the door to get his coat and his boots.

“Ben?” Rey calls.

“Yeah?” He turns around.

“Thank you… for being here… it means a lot to me. To us.”

Ben nods and smiles but then looks away, as if Rey could guess what he did if he looked at her. “G-good night.”

“Night, Ben…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ben is like KINK ACTIVATED!!!
> 
> Also, who else loves Dr. Hux?


	12. Rey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Is it any wonder I try?  
>  'Cause I thought we were so much more  
> I thought you wanted what I want  
> So completely I did fall_  
>    
>    
> _If I'm not here to love you, what am I here for?  
>    
>    
> [What Am I Here For](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/18aqyKqRZE05ABCfp07eBD?si=qn3CIepARCGoJuSuyljzqQ) by Jade Bird_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay... This is it! This is it, you guys!!! You’ve earned it. They have too ;)

Rey’s belly rumbles loudly. She laughs to herself just imagining the teasing she would get from the boys if they heard her. She walks to the fridge to get her lunch and on the way, she texts both brothers with a salad and a taco emoji and gets the replies instantly.

**Ben** : I’m so glad you’re feeling better, sweetheart 

**Kylo** : 💪❤️😘

She smiles warmly and munches on her food.

It’s Friday, so she gets off work earlier and goes to Kylo’s gym. She’s feeling strong again, strong enough to exercise.

When she gets there, she sees a sight that makes her heart flutter with joy.

Kylo is showing Ben around the gym. She can see how Kylo is excited (he never gets excited) by the look on his face as they walk around the open exercise area, where the boxing ring is. There’s this sweet look on Ben’s face that reads pride, paying close attention to his brother.

A wide smile blooms on her face.

Kylo spots her and smiles too, making Ben look into her direction.

She is quickly getting used to seeing both of them striding towards her, eyes alight with happiness.

“Hey, baby,” Kylo greets her with a kiss on the cheek.

“Sweetheart,” Ben hugs her tight and places a discrete, quick kiss on her neck.

“Hi, boys!” She says. “Came to see the gym?” She asks Ben.

“Yeah, I thought it was about time I dropped by.”

“Ben mentioned that he wanted to start working out,” Kylo says. “Then I told him to come the fuck over and start right away!”

“The physical therapists said that I’m ready so…”

Rey and Ben warm up on the treadmill, since it’s too snowy to run outside. She begins her workout while Kylo guides Ben through the free weights. He’s more than happy to set up a full workout for Ben, despite Ben telling him not to take his time from his other chores at the gym. Kylo tells him to shut up.

She watches the twins together and her heart swells. They laugh like the boys they are, just being together and having fun. Her face is hurting from smiling too much.

Rey suddenly realizes something a little too late. She always found it incredibly sexy watching Kylo lift weights, sweating and grunting. But now Rey is in trouble, because it’s the two of them gracing her with a show of flexing muscles and little clothes. It’s practically torture, especially watching Ben. She quickly turns around and downs her entire water bottle.

“Rey!”

Jannah is walking towards her with open arms.

“Hi, Jannah!” Rey says and Jannah hugs her. “Oh, I’m all sweaty…”

“Like I care, hun.” She says. “I missed you! Haven’t seen you since Christmas.”

“Yeah, I’ve been busy…” Rey says and smiles shyly at her friend. “How are you? How’s Kaydel?”

“I’m great, we’re great! It’s her day off, so…” Jannah trails off and looks at the twins. “Hey! Don’t forget to stretch!” She yells at them and then turns to Rey. “Kylo never stretches.” She mutters and Rey giggles, knowing very well that she's blushing.

Jannah eyes her and squints her eyes. “Mmm…”

“What?” Rey asks, trying not to blush even more.

Jannah doesn’t answer and simply turns around and heads to the reception. She’s back with a polaroid in her hand.

“I’m going to take a picture,” Jannah says. “Rey, go stand there next to them.”

“Oh…”

“Hey, Kylo! Ben!” She gestures to the camera and the two of them seem to understand as Rey stands awkwardly between them.

Jannah groans. “Come on, you guys, a little less stiff, please?”

That breaks the ice, they all chuckle and move into a better pose but Jannah pushes the button before they are ready.

“Hey--” Kylo starts but Jannah raises her finger.

“Kylo, I know what I’m doing.” She says and he shuts up.

Jannah hands them the photo. Rey sees Kylo and herself looking at Ben, all smiling. Kylo is holding Rey in front of him with his right arm and his left hand is on Ben’s shoulder. Ben’s right hand is holding Rey’s left hand and the other in his hair. It’s the most beautiful thing Rey has ever seen.

None of them speak. A beat passes until Kylo looks at Jannah.

“Thanks, Jan…”

“You got it.” She says with a knowing smile.

Later, the three of them walk together back to the apartment without even talking about it. Ben has been a constant presence there lately; he says he wants to make sure Rey eats. Rey is always delighted to have him over. They have been spending almost all of their free time together.

The apartment feels more like home than ever.

“We have to get you a key,” Kylo says as they climb up the stairs.

Kylo is the last one in the shower. Ben looks so comfortable here, drying his hair with a towel, wearing nothing but his jeans that hang low on his abdomen. She can’t stop staring at his body as he moves until he puts on a shirt. The urge to jump on him is almost overwhelming but she regrettably restrains herself.

Rey finds an empty frame and they hang the photo that Jannah took. They admire the picture together and Rey sighs and smiles, with one arm tight around each brother.

After dinner, they are lounging in the living room until Ben checks his phone. “I should go,” he says. “Let me know how that design turns out, okay?” He tells Rey.

“Yep, I will.” Rey says.

“Bye, Kylo!”

“Bye, Ben,” Kylo says from the couch.

Rey walks him to the door, as usual. But this time, before they reach it, Ben halts and stares at the new picture on their wall.

“Ben?”

He faces her. She regards his beautiful face, bisected by the scar, his deep brown eyes that she adores.

Ben is looking at her in a sweet, but different way, as if he wanted to tell her something, but couldn’t muster up the courage.

She takes a step forward and slowly stands on her tiptoes, approaching her lips to his. He doesn’t pull away.

Their lips meet only briefly, and she knows she shouldn’t have. But she just wanted to kiss him goodnight...

She lightly gasps when Ben’s arms pull her to him and their mouths clash. He kisses her with a hunger that threatens to break the dam inside her. He even moans when their open mouths fit together and their tongues meet, and she’s a little confused and surprised but all her brain can process is his taste, his smell and his touch.

It burns. She has to break the kiss, otherwise she won’t be able to stop.

But Rey sees a fire in Ben’s eyes she doesn’t recognize, making the smallest hope twinkle in her heart.

He comes for another kiss and, to her delight, his hands travel down her body as he kisses her. He grabs her ass and presses her against the growing bulge in his pants.

Rey hears footsteps behind her and suddenly Ben parts the kiss. She sees him looking beyond her, cheeks and lips pink from all the kissing. He looks relaxed and excited as if it was possible to be both at the same time. She follows his gaze and turns to see Kylo standing there.

Kylo’s expression is a mix of slight bewilderment and hope and also joy as Ben reaches out a hand for him.

Rey’s breath leaves her lungs in a choked half-laugh half-sob. She looks at Ben, who is smiling softly, his eyes filled with longing.

She was happy just to have Ben visit; it was enough for her just to have him around from time to time. Or so she told herself.

Now happiness explodes in her chest.

Kylo takes his brother’s hand with certainty at the same time as his other arm wraps around Rey’s waist, capturing her mouth with a searing kiss. He ravages her mouth, and she can feel Ben behind her, his hand leisurely traveling where Kylo’s hands aren’t.

As soon as Kylo leaves her mouth and trails kisses on her neck, Rey turns her head to Ben and he kisses her again, his tongue invading her mouth and rolling over hers. Their embrace tightens and Rey feels like she’s drowning in joy.

They shift and Rey’s front is pressed against Ben’s chest. She kisses him while Kylo mouths at her neck from behind. Ben’s hands slide between Rey and Kylo to grab her ass and Kylo’s hands cup her tits and squeeze them tight. She’s dizzy with arousal, feeling both of their cocks against her body, hard as steel. Their bodies are hot and alive and so is she, caught between her two loves.

When the kiss ends, Kylo lets go and so does Ben. Their lungs are heaving and Rey looks at the twins to see no trace of doubt, only desire and love.

“Yes?” She asks them both.

“Yes!” Kylo responds immediately and they both look at Ben.

He has a sweet, excited smile on his face. “Yes.”

A thrill runs up her spine.

Rey is uncertain how to do this. Sure, she’s watched plenty of porn featuring threesomes but real life is something else entirely. Luckily, Kylo grabs her hand and tugs her to the bedroom, Rey in her turn grabs Ben’s hand and tugs him, too.

She is standing up in the middle of the bedroom, between Kylo and Ben, all chuckling at how clumsy they are.

But that’s no reason to give up. Ben grabs her shirt and pulls it over her head, and she lifts her arms up to help him. Kylo slides her pants down her legs, kneeling on the floor behind her. She peers up at Ben and sees his nostrils flare as Kylo hooks his finger in her panties and pulls them down.

She reaches for Ben’s shirt but he’s already taking care of it. She looks behind her and Kylo is shirtless.

She is naked between them, sure she’s soaking wet from the thrill of it.

“Wow…” Ben whispers.

“Yeah, wow…” Kylo turns her around to gently push them backwards.

They end up in the armchair, Ben sits on it with Rey between his legs while Kylo kneels in front of them kissing her, pressing her back against Ben’s chest.

Rey grazes her body on both of them, desperate for their skin on hers. She feels Ben’s cock on her lower back and Kylo’s on her aching core, still covered by their underwear. Their moans are increasing in volume as they make out and Rey is already close to coming.

Kylo suddenly grabs her and lays her on the bed, with his head between her legs. They glance at Ben but he doesn’t budge.

“I-I… I want to watch…” He says.

Rey is already so wet, but having Ben watch as Kylo devours her pussy, is enough to make her drenched and oversensitive. She breaks eye contact with Ben for a moment when Kylo’s lips encircle her clit, she can’t help it. She’s lost in the sensation for a while but when she regains her senses she looks at Ben. He has his cock in his hand, pumping it slowly, hungry eyes fixed on what Kylo is doing. He jerks himself off faster, with a pained expression as Kylo feasts on her cunt. Two fingers slip inside her and he fucks her like that, Ben watching all the while.

She comes hard and slow, crying out and clenching around Kylo’s fingers, eyes fixed on Ben. He moans and his cock shoots his cum onto his hand.

Kylo emerges from between her legs and licks his lips.

“Now you…” Rey whispers and she’s on her hands and knees on the bed the next second.

She lowers his underwear and takes his hard cock in her hand. Kylo loves it when she makes noise. She moans loudly as she swipes her tongue over the tip and teases him a little. She knows he’s already close, so she wets his cock, before taking him on her mouth.

“Fuck!” Kylo shouts as she slides his cock in and out of her mouth, hollowing her cheeks and working her tongue in long movements. She pumps the part of his shaft that she can’t take in her mouth while his fingers grab her hair.

She feels the bed dip a little and large hands smooth her thighs and her ass. Kylo begins to fuck her mouth and Ben’s tongue laps at her pussy from behind, caressing her clit in a new angle that makes her see stars.

“I’m gonna come…” Kylo breathes out and soon Rey’s mouth is flooded with his spend. He holds her firmly on his cock and moans at the same time Rey is coming on Ben’s tongue, her body twitching as he holds her in place.

Rey gently pulls away and swallows, Kylo’s grip on her hair becomes a caress and Ben is kissing her butcheeks, traveling up to her lower back.

Rey lays down on the bed with Ben behind her and Kylo joins them on her other side, all laughing among intakes of breath.

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

They lie there for a while in silence, both men caressing her softly, in an almost meditative state. She looks into their eyes and sees there the happiness she feels. Her arms try to bring them closer, and theirs do the same.

But the break doesn’t last long. Rey begins to rock her hips on Ben’s groin, kissing Kylo and caressing his chest.

Ben is half-hard again already. As she kisses Kylo, her hand slides down and grabs his cock while Ben places kisses on the skin of her shoulder, his hand travelling everywhere on her body. She takes turns like she did in the kitchen, switching her mouth and hands from one brother to another.

She feels Ben’s cock prod her pussy from behind as she palms Kylo’s. “Fuck me, Ben…” She breathes and he pushes himself into her body.

The feeling of fullness she experiences is so wonderful, she stops her hand for a while, but soon recovers. She’s looking into Kylo’s eyes as Ben fucks her slowly and she strokes his cock. Kylo’s hands squeeze her tits rhythmically, at the same flow as their movements.

Ben withdraws from her and lies on his back. Rey lets go of Kylo and follows Ben, kissing down his body. She’s on her knees on the bed again, with Ben’s cock on her hand. She peeks over her shoulder and opens up, inviting Kylo.

She takes Ben’s cock in her mouth feeling Kylo place himself behind her. She moans around Ben when Kylo enters her with the indescribable pleasure of being filled by the both of them. She has only just imagined this. She’s about to lose her mind as her fantasy and deepest wish come true and she basks on it, feeling like the luckiest girl on the planet.

She licks Ben’s cock in every way she remembers he likes. She gathers his foreskin and teases it with her tongue for a while. Then, she traces a line with her tongue from the base up, following the stiff underside. He groans and pants, his entire body shaking and his hands clutching her hair, just like his brother.

Kylo takes his time, sliding in and out of her. She can hear his sounds and feel his cock moving inside her, hitting her cervix at every thrust.

“It feels… so good…” Ben breaths out.

“So good…” Kylo echoes.

Ben thrusts up her mouth and she arches her back for Kylo and the brothers fuck her harder, one on each end. She lets the twins do what they want with her body. And her pleasure builds within her, ready to obliterate her.

Kylo grunts. “I want… I want us to come inside her at the same time...”

Ben shudders. “Yes…” And drives his cock deeper and faster on her throat. “Rey?”

Rey hums her affirmative response as Kylo slams into her. They grunt loudly, both chasing their pleasure.

“I’m gonna come…” Ben says with a strained voice.

Kylo then reaches a hand between her legs and strokes her clit. She moans too and feels her orgasm gathering.

Ben cries out and holds her head, driving his cock in a few times as he spills his cum down her throat. Kylo curses and thrusts one last time against her hips and she can feel his cock pumping deep inside her.

The thought of taking both their cum into her body at the same time is what does it. This orgasm hits harder than ever, erasing her rational mind and replacing it with pure ecstasy as her body clenches around them, milking them until they are done.

Ben’s spent cock slides from her mouth and she can feel Kylo gently grab her and maneuver her to lie on the bed. Rey is cozily nestled between the brothers again.

She feels warm and fuzzy inside and tears well up in her eyes. Rey gazes at Kylo who looks also overwhelmed by emotion. She kisses him deeply, sinking his finger in his long hair.

She turns to Ben. His eyes are bright and he looks happy even if a little scared. They all do, but the satisfaction and happiness they feel is undeniable.

She kisses him too and he pulls her and Kylo close. Ben is lying on his back and Rey has her left arm draped across his chest and her leg tangled with his. Kylo spoons her, tracing her leg and her arm with a brush of his fingers.

“Are you okay, Ben?” Kylo asks.

“I am… I’m glad… I’m so glad we did this,” Ben answers, smiling. “Rey?” He asks her, looking at her expectantly.

“I never imagined being so happy...”

Ben smiles at her and kisses her forehead. “Kylo?”

He laughs and holds Rey a little bit tighter. “This is perfect…”

Rey had been right all along. The more you love, the more love you have to give.

She wants to stay awake for longer but the post-coital bliss pulls her to sleep, nuzzled between the twins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My sweet babies are so dumb :P
> 
> Hope you liked my vanilla threesome!
> 
> _psst...there will be more..._


	13. Kylo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I can see the sun, I can see the day,  
>  Crawling closer as the night fades away.  
> I can feel the light, shining down on me,  
> Oh Lord, I better go back to sleep.  
> _  
> 
> 
> [Morning](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/18aqyKqRZE05ABCfp07eBD?si=qn3CIepARCGoJuSuyljzqQ) by William Wild

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More smut? More smut.
> 
> It’s not tagged but this chapter features Double Penetration, for those who might find it a squick or a trigger. If you want to skip it, search for the phrase: “After a much needed shower and breakfast…” hehehe

Kylo awakes feeling replenished. He smiles when he sees his brother spooning Rey and Rey tucked under his arm, mirroring the position they fell asleep in.

It still feels weird that they both had sex with Rey last night. It’s crazy, really. But it was the best sex of his life and that’s saying something after he met Rey. He is excited and still slightly worried about Ben, but underneath it all is the absolute certainty that he wants this.

His cock twitches as he remembers the event of the previous night. The way Ben was watching when he fucked Rey made his body heat up and his libido skyrocket. He loved it, he can’t wait to do it again. He grins as he sees Rey’s leg brush against his already half hard cock under the sheets.

He wonders for a moment if Ben regrets it, or Rey. But the thought is set aside when Rey stirs and Ben buries his face on her hair.

Ben sighs and Rey stretches. “Mmm, good morning, boys…” Rey whispers.

Her soft eyes meet Kylo’s and there’s a kiss for him and a kiss for Ben.

Her smile is contagious and they’re all smiling like idiots until they’re laughing again.

Kylo sees when Ben loops an arm around Rey to pull her closer. She immediately presses that gorgeous ass of hers against him and Kylo’s cock keeps pulsing.

Kylo is kissing Rey as her hand slides slowly on his abdomen until she has his cock in her hand while Ben fingers her. Kylo grins against the kiss.

Rey is moaning a lot and loudly. This is the kind of sound she makes when he’s already inside her, fingers or cock.

He peeks at them and sees Ben’s hand hidden behind her and smiles.

“Is this alright?” Ben asks Rey as he pulls his hand backwards a little.

“Yes…” She breathes out and arches her back to him.

Rey looks at Kylo knowingly. He’s almost losing his mind when he thinks about being inside her at the same time as his twin. So much so that he has to stop Rey’s hand before he comes too soon.

“Please, Ben, I’m ready…” Rey says and Kylo is having a hard time containing his excitement.

They move a little. Kylo lies on his side and Rey places her leg over Kylo’s hips and, after a few clumsily attempts and giggles, he presses his cock into her drenched - and he means drenched - hot pussy. Kylo grunts and Rey moans, their bodies are glued together, but something is missing.

He looks at Ben who seems to be struggling a little bit too but eventually he positions himself between Rey’s butcheeks.

Kylo can’t see it but he feels when his brother’s cock begins to stretch her. He groans at the sensation of Rey’s pussy becoming even tighter.

Ben goes in a little more and Rey gasps. “Are you okay?” He asks Rey immediately.

“Yes… keep going…”

Kylo is just holding on for dear life.

Slowly, too slowly, Ben sheaths himself all the way up her ass. Rey is moaning wildly, with her face buried on Kylo’s neck. The three of them still.

“I can feel you…” Kylo says to Ben.

“I can feel you…” Ben replies with a shaky voice.

Rey doesn’t say anything, instead she just cries out and her walls begin to flutter. Both brothers watch as she comes around their cocks. It feels so good, he has to use all his willpower so he won’t follow her right after.

“Boys… please, fuck me…” She pants when she comes down from her high.

Ben is the first one to move. When he slides out, Kylo moans, needing to stay still for another moment. He pushes back in, so Kylo pulls out. It’s a challenge, but they find a rhythm with this seesaw type of movement and Rey holds onto Kylo with all her strength while they both fuck her.

The pleasure is almost too much.

Kylo feels Ben grab his arm and tighten the trio’s embrace and their bodies tangle even more and move together.

Kylo thinks Rey is coming again because he can feel her walls contracting and she makes that beautiful face he loves. He wants to hold back his own climax so he can watch her but when Ben picks up his pace, fucking her in the ass, Kylo is gone. His cock explodes inside her, feeling Ben’s cock on the other side, moving inside her too. Ben cries out and gives a few final thrusts and comes in her ass, shuddering and panting.

Kylo’s head is spinning, his bliss is as powerful as his orgasm. He lightly touches Rey’s sweaty skin, reaching for another heated kiss.

They lie there together until they’ve calmed down. Kylo falls asleep again, taken by their bliss and completion.

***

After a much needed shower and breakfast, Rey sits them down so they can talk.

Ben takes a seat on the couch with his back straight, looking expectantly at her, until Rey climbs up beside him. He relaxes when she stretches her legs over him and takes his arm. Kylo sits on the ottoman in front of them.

“So…” Rey begins with a shy smile.

“So…” Ben says, blushing a little.

Kylo gazes at his brother and Rey, his heart beating strong in his chest.

Rey takes their hands on hers. “Okay, so first thing. Is everyone really okay with this? I know you’ve said it, but we were… you know…”

“Horny,” Kylo says with a grin.

“Aroused,” Ben says at the same time as his brother, his ears now red. Kylo has to restrain a chuckle.

“Yes, so I need to know if we all want this. At least enough to give this a try.”

“Yes.” Kylo says.

“Yes.” Ben says too.

Rey looks at Ben. “I know last night was… intense and so was this morning, but we can take it slow if you want to, Ben.” Rey offers. “No need to rush.”

“Yes, of course.” Kylo says.

After a moment of staring at their combined hands, Ben looks at them and smiles. “I know you guys are trying to protect me and I appreciate it. I was the one who was hesitant at first. But I don’t want to go slow.” He says, his smile widening. “I want to be here with you, in this house. I want it all. I’ve lost enough life. I want to live.”

Rey lets out her breath and loops her arms around Ben’s neck.

“Oh, Ben…” Rey says and Kylo can tell she’s holding back the tears, like he is.

Rey lets go and kisses him on the cheek.

“But, uh… How would this work, I mean…” Ben shrugs.

Rey looks pensive.

“Honestly,” Kylo says. “I don’t know anymore than you guys, but I think we should keep it a secret for now.”

“Yeah, the reporters would eat us alive if they found out.” Rey says.

“It would be a scandal.” Ben says.

“Yeah, there’s Mom and Dad too.” Kylo sighs.

“Boys, do you really think they wouldn’t… accept us?”

Ben and Kylo exchange a look. “I’m not sure.” Ben says.

“Their generation was a very conservative one.” Kylo adds. 

“But your mother has always been super vocal about how she supports the LGBTQ community, immigrants, religious minorities. Surely she would be okay with… polyamory?” Rey argues.

Kylo sees Ben's face change a bit. Uttering the word seems to make it all real. And what that means to all of them remains to be seen.

“They’ve come a long way, but I don’t know,” Kylo continues. “To actually have to deal with these issues within your own family is something else entirely, especially when feelings are involved.”

“Well, I reacted badly too, remember?” Ben says.

“Okay, so, we won’t tell anyone for now. Until we feel comfortable enough to announce it.”

Ben and Kylo nod, still holding hands.

“So maybe we can start by figuring out what the boundaries are,” she says. “What each one expects from this.”

“What we like to do in bed…” Kylo says with a shit eating grin and Rey giggles, hiding her face partially with her hand.

“There’s so much stuff we can do...” She says excitedly with pink cheeks and bright eyes, sparking a laugh from them. “You guys have no idea what’s coming your way.” Rey giggles and bites her lip.

Ben blushes violently but has the same amused expression on his face.

Rey breathes in. “The most important thing. I… I don’t want anyone to get hurt.” She says seriously, looking at Ben, squeezing Kylo’s hand.

Ben shakes his head lightly. “Getting hurt is… inevitable when you are in any relationship.”

“Can you imagine if we break up?” Rey says quietly. “It would be extra complicated in our case.”

“Is it enough to keep us from going further?” Ben asks them both.

To Kylo, there is only one answer. “Absolutely not.”

“No.” Rey says. “Not at all.”

Ben smiles at them and squeezes their hands.

Kylo ponders for a moment, fuck yes, he wants this. But it’s hard to predict what would come out of it; he has zero experience, zero knowledge. But one thing is for sure.

“I’m not jealous of you, Ben.” He says suddenly, looking at his brother.

Ben stares at him for a moment. “I’m not jealous of you either.” Ben says with a sincerity he can see.

“I’m so glad, boys.” Rey smiles warmly. “Communication will be the key. We will be three people now. So… a lot of opinions…”

“We must promise to always talk to each other, no matter what.” Kylo says.

"This is all I ever wanted but..." Rey suddenly seems worried. “Am I… Am I being selfish?”

Ben gently takes Rey’s face on his hands, looking at her straight in the eye. “No, Rey. No.” He says. “Let’s promise each other another thing: no more guilt. You promise?”

Rey looks at him firmly. “I promise.”

“Kylo?”

“I promise.” Kylo says, moving closer. “You were right, Rey. You were right when you said that love is not exclusive to one person. You _can_ love more than one person at the same time.”

Rey’s smile becomes softer and she caresses his face.

“We love you and you love us,” Ben says. “We all want this. There is no emotional manipulation, no games, no nonsense. It’s just us.”

“Besides, I think we were already doing it, weren’t we?” Kylo says.

Rey closes her eyes and smiles. Ben holds her on his lap and grabs Kylo’s arm, pulling him to them. They both form a cocoon around her once more. Kylo grasps Ben’s arm in return and he feels pure bliss wash over him.

He cannot wait for this to be the rest of his life.


	14. Ben

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Here we go… Here we go again.  
>  Don't know where… where to begin.  
> And all the foes are always found in a friend.  
> No here we go… Here we go again._
> 
> [Comatose](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/18aqyKqRZE05ABCfp07eBD?si=qn3CIepARCGoJuSuyljzqQ) by Sierra Eagleson

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said on the Notes at the beginning of the fic, there will be discussions of sensitive subjects on this chapter, like incest and having kids.
> 
> Also, there will be drama.
> 
> Please don't hate me... 😬

Ben has a grin on his face as he walks down his usual path to the subway. 

On the long way back to Leia’s house, he remembers last night when he and Kylo were watching TV, Kylo on the couch, Ben on the armchair, and Rey passed in front of them to tend to the plants near the window, wearing nothing but a loose shirt that barely covered her ass.

Kylo jumped on her, lifting her up and putting her on his shoulder.

Rey squealed and laughed out loud. “You neanderthal!!!”

Kylo only growled and threw her on the couch, all of them laughing together.

Ben loves how playful Kylo and Rey are together. Last night, their little wrestle became a make out session, Rey giggling at Ben whenever Kylo would break the kiss to nibble at her neck and grab her tits under her shirt. He was on top of her, between her spread legs, rocking his hips onto her.

He remembers as he’s waiting for the train how his cock was already hard just by watching them, but Ben made no move to tend to it. He liked the sweet torture.

Kylo would capture her lips and then suddenly break the contact, only to attack her mouth again; so different from his own style. Rey looked so beautiful with flushed cheeks and hooded eyes. But his favorite part was when she locked eyes with Ben while Kylo was doing his thing.

They have been insatiable, all of them enjoying this beautiful, new relationship. Rey was not kidding when she said they had no idea what was coming. And they make their best effort to please her.

Last night was one memorable instance of it. While Kylo was biting and mouthing at her flesh and lips, Rey would sometimes defy Kylo’s massive body and push against him. That made him capture her wrists and pin her down.

“You’re so sexy, baby… So fucking sexy…” Kylo said and Rey bit her lip, hiding her smirk.

Ben spends the entire ride home trying to contain another erection. Which is proving to be challenging because he keeps thinking about how Kylo placed kisses down her body, getting rid of the shirt for good, grinning at Ben once in a while. Rey hummed as he bit the inside of her thigh, hands lightly brushing their way down her legs. But when he dipped his head, Rey stopped him.

Somehow she toppled Kylo over and straddled him. “I’m going to ride you... so Ben can watch…” Ben chuckles to himself, recalling how he almost came in his pants when Rey said that with a wicked smile. 

Kylo didn’t waste a moment as he wrenched his trousers open and Rey sunk herself onto his hard cock. She was a vision, riding his twin, making slow waves with her body, making eye contact with Ben from time to time.

“Fuck... Rey...” Kylo breathed out.

Ben opened his pants and reached for his cock. He stroked it a few times, gently so he wouldn’t come just yet.

“You like this, Ben?” Rey asked among intakes of breath. Ben could only nod, hypnotized by the sight, basking in the pleasure he was now free to enjoy.

Rey began to ride Kylo with all her might, her eyes fixed on Ben. They were loud and Ben loved it. He could watch them for days.

“Come inside me, Kylo…” Rey breathed out. “And then I want you to fuck me, Ben…”

Kylo grabbed her hips and thrust up into her, until he groaned loudly and his body shuddered. He held her to his cock as he cried out his orgasm.

Rey gave him a few moments to cool down, placing sweet kisses on his face and lips. She looked at Ben and reached out her hand to him, who was on the couch the next second.

He didn’t understand why the idea that his brother had just come inside her made him so aroused, but it did and now all he could think about was fucking Rey’s brains out and filling her up some more.

Ben almost misses his stop remembering when he grabbed her and placed her on the couch on her back. Rey muttered his name while he fucked her hard; she was slick from her arousal and Kylo’s cum, and he faintly worried for the couch. Ben moaned and held her firmly as he pummeled into her.

“Fill me up, Ben… I want your cum inside me too…” Rey said and he obliged.

Fire burst through his veins as his cock erupted inside her. He gasped through it, his body seeking her depths and filling her, just the way she wanted.

Ben leaves the train station, walking to Leia’s house, almost floating, remembering as they panted together but suddenly Ben lifted his head to look at her. “What about you?”

Rey laughed, brushing a strand of hair from his face. “Ben, I came three times…”

“You know…” He heard Kylo say. “I think you’re right, Ben… watching is pretty hot.”

Ben turns the street corner and his happy thoughts are interrupted by shouts in the distance. He lifts his eyes and sees what looks like a crowd of reporters holding microphone and cameras running in his direction.

“There he is!”

“Mr. Solo, care to make a statement?”

“Mr. Solo, where were you last night?”

“Ben! Ben! What does your family think of this?”

Ben is confused and panicking a little so he just pushes his way through the crowd and, after some difficulty, he finally reaches the front door.

He goes in and slams it shut, heaving through his lungs. It takes a moment to see who’s waiting for him in the living room.

“Mom?” 

“Hello, Ben.” Leia greets him with a worried tone in her voice. She pinches her nose and sighs deeply, getting up from the couch.

“What the hell is this? Why are there so many?” Ben asks.

Leia eyes him with a frown that makes Ben uneasy. His mother has never been one to dwell on things so he expected her to be talking already, but she just stands there.

“What happened, Mom?” Ben insists.

“Ben,” Leia starts but slouches, making him worry even more. “You are all over the news…”

“But it’s been months since I came back so why--”

“You, Kylo and Rey.”

Ben’s stomach drops and he sucks in a breath. “W-what are they saying?”

“Ben, do you have something to tell me?”

“I-I…” Ben stutters. “Mom, what are they saying? What have you heard?”

“I don’t care about any of that, that’s why I’m asking you now to tell me.”

“Where’s Dad?”

“He’s… not here.” Leia says, averting her eyes.

Ben slouches too, defeated. A moment passes until he rubs his face and looks at his mother.

“Mom, have you ever heard about polyamorous relationships?”

“Oh, god…” Leia exclaims. “So It’s true…”

“Rey, Kylo and I are in one.” Ben says as firmly as he can.

“But what does that mean?” Leia clutches one hand on the other. “Are you and Kylo… you and Kylo…”

“Oh…” Ben realizes what his mother is unable to ask.

Incest, Ben thinks. Leia can’t even say it. Even if he and Kylo were lovers - which they aren't, the thought of it hadn't even occurred to Ben - they're consenting adults and it would be nobody else's business. But he supposes it’s a fair question to have, especially from their mother. “We’re not…” He feels his cheeks burn. “Me and Kylo are not…we’re not.” He says. “We’re both  _ with _ Rey.”

He cringes so hard he thinks he’ll burst. Having this conversation with his mother was inevitable, he supposes, but he would have liked to be prepared at least.

Leia sighs in relief but her frown doesn’t leave her face.

Something occurs to him then. “But, Mom,” Ben says. “What if we were? Would you love us any less?”

Leia closes her eyes and doesn’t answer.

“Mom?” Ben’s heart is tight in his chest.

“How is this…” Leia says instead. “What about children, Ben? Have you thought about that?”

“Uh...”

“How will you know who the father is?” Leia asks, exasperated. “Do you think it’s fair to them if they don’t know? Will the children have two fathers who are brothers?”

“W-well, it shouldn’t matter...” Ben says weakly, because he didn’t think of that, he doesn’t even know if he wants kids, or if Rey and Kylo do, or any of it. “What matters is that they would be loved.”

Leia doesn’t look angry but Ben senses that she is deeply upset. He has seen this look on her face only a few times in her life. One time was the night that Kylo left.

“You would love them, wouldn't you?” Ben asks.

“Of course I would, Ben, but can you imagine the bullying at school?”

“We would protect them.” Ben says as firmly as he can.

His mother opens her mouth to speak but stops herself. She shakes her head and sits down on the sofa, looking defeated.

Leia looks at him. “Ben, I just want to understand.”

“Okay,” Ben says. “If I explain it to you will you listen?”

“Of course.”

Ben sits beside her and tells her what happened, how it happened. All the while, Leia is frowning, nodding slightly at times.

Ben finishes his story and looks at his mother expectantly.

“It’s… hard for me, Ben.”

“Okay...” Ben says, his fear turning into disappointment in his heart.

Leia doesn’t look like herself.

“What are you going to do, Mom?” He asks.

“Nothing, Ben…”

“Mom, tell me you accept us.” Ben says, searching her gaze but Leia doesn’t meet it.

“I… I need time. This is all very confusing.”

It’s not a full rejection but it still feels that way to him. He finds it hard to breathe, his chest is so tight. Is this how Kylo felt?

“What you have to understand, Ben,” Leia says. “Is that I’m a public figure…”

Ben’s brows knit as he tries to figure out what his mother is saying. Disappointment and hurt slowly become anger.

“The campaign… I-I… This is a disaster!” She says.

“What are you saying?” Ben says softly, in disbelief.

“I have a lot of damage control to make--”

“Is that all you care about? Your fucking campaign?” Ben says through gritted teeth.

“Ben, it’s not like that--”

“Of course you do!” Ben gets up from the couch, pointing an accusatory finger to Leia. “You always put your job before us! Now I see what Kylo meant.”

“No, Ben--”

“The way you shipped him off when he needed you the most!”

“This is not the same, Ben, please...” Leia gets up and goes after him but can’t seem to be able to touch him.

“And where’s Dad? Where is he?!” Ben shouts. “Whenever things get tough, he bails!”

Leia starts to cry. Ben has to look away, he’s too angry and hurt to face his mother’s tears.

“You know what? Keep your campaign. I’m out of here!”

“No, Ben, wait...” Leia begs but Ben isn’t listening.

He climbs up the stairs and grabs a backpack and throws whatever he can inside it. He bolts through the door and down the stairs.

“Thank Dad for me.” He says sarcastically, not looking where Leia stands and not listening to her pleas as he passes her by.

He comes out through the back door and jumps over the fence into their neighbour’s yard. He gets to the street and walks fast to the boulevard. No one follows him as he gets back to the train station.

The ride back to Kylo and Rey’s is a blur, his head spinning with the events of the morning. His phone rings and he looks at the screen. It’s Leia. He rejects the call, but he finally sees more than fifty unanswered calls and texts. A few are from Rey. He calls her, but she doesn’t answer.

At last, he opens up a browser and types in his name.

The headline reads ‘Solo Family Drama’. There are pictures of Rey, Kylo and himself, most of them taken in front of the gym and many others of him leaving their house on many different occasions. There’s even a sequence of pictures of Rey kissing Ben and then Kylo. The text slut-shames Rey, and makes fun of the two brothers, as well as the rest of the family.

He turns off the phone and rubs his face.

One hour later, Ben arrives at their door and there’s another swarm waiting for him. He’s bombarded with the same insulting questions but pushes through again. He climbs the stairs, turns his key and goes in, leaning against the door in relief.

Rey is home.

“Ben!”

“Sweetheart...” Ben says and Rey lunges at him.

“We’re out.” She says.

“Yeah…”

“Did you… talk to your mother?”

“Yes…”

“And?”

Ben shakes his head. “We better wait for Kylo,” he says but then something dawns on him. “Hey, shouldn’t you be at work?”

Rey’s nostrils flare and her face hardens. “I was let go.”

“What?”

“Yeah, something about the firm image…” Rey says bitterly. “Oh, but I gave that asshole a piece of my mind, that’s for sure. Fuck him!” She spits the words.

“Oh, Rey, I’m so sorry,” Ben says, holding her tight. “I know how much you loved that job.”

“Truth is, I don’t think I ever really loved it. Not really.” Ben can tell she’s hurt but she also sounds certain. “It’s for the best. I don’t want to work for a bunch of bigots, anyway.”

They both hear a string of curses getting louder through the door. It barges open and Kylo almost stumbles inside the apartment.

Rey runs to him and holds him and Ben follows.

“What a shit show, huh?” Kylo says.

Rey snickers and Ben sighs. “I talked to Mom.”

Kylo breaks the embrace and looks at Ben. “And?”

“It did not go well…” Ben tells them what happened as best as he can.

“What about Dad?” Kylo asks warily.

“He wasn't there…”

Kylo growls. “I thought we were past this.”

Ben can see how Kylo’s heart breaks, just like his own.

Rey also looks deeply disappointed. She steps away and braces herself as she walks to the living room. She peeks through the closed curtains and grimaces.

“We should have told them. We should have told Han and Leia.” She says and quivers.

Both brothers are around her immediately. “We weren’t ready. This isn’t fair.” Kylo says.

Ben is still shaking but now that he’s more calm regret surges in his heart. He wonders if he should have stayed and talked to his mother. After all, he reacted the same way she did.

“It’s like a fucking déjà-vu...” Kylo says.

“I’m sorry, Kylo,” Ben says. “I’m sorry this happened again.”

Kylo’s face changes, Ben can almost feel his heartbreak. His brother doesn’t speak when he searches for Ben’s embrace. Rey pets his hair.

“No, we talked about this. No more guilt.” Rey says to the two of them.

Ben nods. “Okay...” He says. “You’re right…”

“Yeah,” Kylo says, rubbing his eyes.

“We’re going to get through this. It just happened, let’s give it some time.” Rey says, placing a kiss on Kylo’s lips. “We have each other.” She turns to Ben and kisses him too.

Rey shakes her head, but then her eyes fix on something on the ground. Ben looks behind him and sees his backpack.

“Ben?”

“Hm?”

“Did you leave your Mom’s house?” She asks.

“Hey, did she kick you out?” Kylo asks, worried.

“Yes and no,” Ben says to Rey and Kylo respectively. “I just… couldn’t be there anymore.”

“Does that mean that you’re moving in?” Rey smiles.

“If you guys will have me, yes.”

Kylo laughs and gives Ben another strong hug and several pats on the back. “Welcome home, big brother.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They moved in together so yey?


	15. Kylo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _And I'm not leaving anytime soon_   
>  _Cause I have made my home here_   
>  _On the moon_
> 
> [On The Moon](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/18aqyKqRZE05ABCfp07eBD?si=qn3CIepARCGoJuSuyljzqQ) by Bradley Stone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can’t believe that this is the second to last chapter. I’m not ready to say goodbye...❤️💛💙

_A few months later_

Kylo is eating cereal while Ben and Rey fuck in the shower. He can hear them and can even guess what they’re doing, Ben is probably holding her against the wall, hammering into her like there’s no tomorrow. He grins to himself. Before she met Ben in the shower, Kylo ate her out and she took him in her mouth, just the way they like it on lazy Sunday mornings.

He hears a long howl: Rey’s second orgasm. Then silence, then some more moaning, then rapid grunts from both of them. Kylo loves the way Rey sounds when she’s being fucked. He knows she likes it too.

Morning unfolds as usual, the three of them eating random junk food (Kylo’s day off from his strict diet). Ben reads his text books, Rey is on her tablet and Kylo watches TV, cuddling in the now too small couch. Kylo cooks and Rey and Ben clean.

He expected bumps along the way, but so far it’s been a smooth ride. There are clear rules and boundaries that are talked about as many times as needed, with everyone involved. He can’t quite explain this deep sense of completeness of having his brother here, but he supposes it stems from all those years they wasted being apart. Rey’s love brought them together and he loves her even more for it. 

He can see it in her eyes the way happiness overflows in her heart. From Ben, he senses joy and the warm feeling of being home. That’s all Kylo wants, after they have suffered like they have. They tell him that Kylo deserves this happiness too. Kylo is learning to accept it.

Sometimes he can’t believe how lucky he is. How lucky they are.

His only regret is being away from his parents again. Old wounds were reopened, and he's unsure if he wants to mend them this time.

It’s the middle of the afternoon when the doorbell rings.

They glance at each other. Kylo can’t imagine who it could be. Ever since they were outed, they have been really careful, never answering the door.

Ben presses the button. “Who is it?”

“Hi… It’s me… It’s Luke…”

Kylo stiffens and Rey holds his hand. Ben releases the button and looks at Kylo and Rey. “Should I let him in?”

The last thing Kylo needs right now is his uncle ruining a perfectly good Sunday.

“Let him in.” Rey says after Kylo’s nod and Ben buzzes him in.

A few tense moments pass until Ben opens the door and welcomes Luke into the apartment.

“Hey, Ben, how are you?”

“I’m okay.” Ben stiffly hugs his uncle.

“Rey, dear…” Rey walks over to Luke and hugs him too, even if a little bit hesitantly.

“Hello, Luke.” She says.

Kylo just stands there with his arms folded across his chest, immobile.

“Hello, Kylo,” Luke greets him and Kylo only offers him a slight nod.

There is an awkward silence when Ben, Rey and Luke sit down in the living room. Kylo prefers to stand.

“Listen, kids, I just wanted to say that this is all very unfortunate.”

“Unfortunate?” Kylo sputters. “It’s not _unfortunate_ , okay? We’re happy here. Fucking unfortunate…”

Luke presses his lips and continues. “What I mean is that it’s _unfortunate_ that it has come to this. That you and your parents aren’t talking again.”

“And whose fault is that?” Kylo says angrily.

“I wanted to say that I approve of you--”

“We don’t need your approval--”

“Kylo, will you please shut up?” Ben says and Kylo is about to protest when Rey looks at him.

“Kylo, please.” She says.

Kylo pouts but obeys.

“I mean, if you think about it… you are all consenting adults in what seems to be a healthy relationship, so who am I to judge?”

“Thank you, uncle Luke.” Ben says.

“It means a lot to us.” Rey adds.

Kylo scoffs.

“I talked to your parents.” Luke says, ignoring Kylo.

“You did?” Rey says.

“Yes. I told them to stop being idiots and just try and open up their minds, to accept and respect your decisions, or else they will lose both their sons again, and their daughter-in-law that they love so much.”

“What did they say?” Ben asks.

“Well, Han was Han about it, but Leia wants to make amends. And I know Han wants it too. They want to talk to you. Sort this thing out.”

“Do they?” Ben asks. “Do they really?”

“Yes, Ben.”

“Why haven’t they come here?” Kylo asks.

“You should have seen them... They looked so lost at what to do or how to go about it,” Luke chuckles affectionately. “So they sent me.”

“They sent you?” Rey asks.

“Well, sort of.”

“What do you mean, sort of?” Ben asks.

“I informed them that I was coming here and that I was going to tell you this. They didn’t have any objections.”

Kylo squints his eyes; no good ever came from trusting his uncle.

After a moment, Rey is the first one to hug him. “Thank you, Luke.”

Luke is surprised by her gesture and hesitantly pats her on the back. “Okay, okay…”

“Yeah, it means a lot.” Ben says.

Luke seems a little disconcerted, but he smiles at them. But when his eyes meet Kylo, his smile falters facing his scowl.

“Well, I have to go,” Luke says, getting up. “I just wanted to tell you this, face to face.”

They all say their goodbyes, except for Kylo who walks his uncle to the corridor.

“What’s your deal?” Kylo demands after he closes the door behind them.

“My deal?” Luke calmly repeats.

“Why are you doing this?”

“I meant what I said, Kylo.”

“I don’t believe you!”

“Kylo, you know how sorry I am--”

“I’m sure you are!”

Luke takes a deep breath. “I have been a shitty uncle to you and I know it. But you and your parents have worked so hard to get here. This is the least I can do to try and salvage that. For you, for Ben and for them. And maybe, just _maybe_ , this could be a way to mend the gaping wound that has always torn this family apart. I don’t want this anymore, Kylo, there has been enough tragedy in our lives.”

Kylo can only stand there, facing the stubborn emotion that surges at his uncle’s words. He doesn’t like it.

“And I wish you could forgive me someday, but I guess this is not the time for that.” Luke continues. “I know I don’t deserve it, but I will always hope for it.”

Kylo squeezes the doorknob with so much strength, he half-expects to find his fingers imprinted there. He meets his uncle’s gaze.

“I love you all,” Luke adds. “You are my nephews and niece no matter what.”

Kylo has to look away. He can deal with hostility from his uncle but this kindness is not something he’s used to. He does all he can to avoid this feeling to come forward but it does. And it hurts him.

Luke gives him a grin that makes him want to punch his uncle in the face and just jingles his keys. “See ya around, kid.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my Luke Skywalker. Not the grinning Force-ghost equivalent to a bottle of Listerine with bad hair and amnesia.


	16. Rey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Baby, the moon no longer screams at me  
>  And I love the way we  
> We spend our time,  
> Well, I can dream again  
> Yeah, I'm home now_
> 
> [The Days That Are to Come ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/18aqyKqRZE05ABCfp07eBD?si=qn3CIepARCGoJuSuyljzqQ) by John Vincent III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What to say at the end of a fic that you wrote pouring your heart out?
> 
> Once more, I will always be thankful for [QueenOfCarrotFlowers](https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfCarrotFlowers/pseuds/QueenOfCarrotFlowers) who encouraged me to publish a story I was sure I was the only one who would ever like it. And thank you to the lovely anon person who answered my questions about Polyamory, you are a star.
> 
> Thank you all again for being on this ride with me. I appreciate every single kudo, hit, bookmark and comment!
> 
> I love my poly babies so much. Now, off to give them the Happy Ending they deserve.

Rey reads the page again. Ben is pacing around the living room, making her extra nervous.

“So, what do you think?” Kylo asks her.

Rey lifts her gaze from the paper. “It... sounds sincere?”

Leia published a communique for the press. It says that whatever the nature of her sons and daughter-in-law’s relationship was it didn’t matter. She goes on saying that she is proud of them and supports them in whatever way they chose to live their lives.

The article that published it, however, is not as kind. It predicts that her popularity will plummet and that her chances at being reelected for state senate will be severely compromised by the admission if not completely ruined by it, considering her conservative district.

“It has started already, I bet.” Ben says.

“Prudes…” Kylos mutters.

“Well, it was hard for us too in the beginning, remember?” Rey says. “It took us a while to get used to the idea, but in the end we did.”

“It doesn’t happen to everyone.” Ben says.

“I think you are both missing the point here, boys.” Rey says. “You do realize what this means, right?”

Ben and Kylo look at her.

“It’s the first time she’s ever done anything like this.” Kylo says.

“She’s never sacrificed her career for anything, ever.” Ben says.

“She did now…” Rey says to both brothers but they don’t have time to react because the phone rings. Rey knows who it is because the only person who calls on the landline is Leia.

***

Rey is still recovering from the intense discomfort that she was just subjected to.

Leia had called them and summoned them all for a talk. Rey laughs a nervous laugh as she recalls both brother’s faces as they arrived at their Mom’s house this morning.

Han and Leia were waiting, all of them looking equally uncomfortable. But there was no anger there, no negativity, only the will to make amends. Rey could feel that, they all could.

They sat in the living room, and Rey’s heart beating was so loud, she could hear it in her head.

“We still haven’t figured it all out ourselves,” Ben said to his parents, in an almost formal tone. “But this is a perfectly consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy.”

Rey had to swallow a nervous laugh, remembering the research they did together. Ben had memorized what it said on the wikipedia page.

“Yeah, no one here is being manipulated or cheated on.” Kylo added, and Rey could tell that he was trying not to sound defensive. “We have rules and boundaries just like any other relationship.”

Ben nodded and continued. “Yes, and everything is based on informed consent of all participants--”

“Boys, boys…” Leia interrupted and there was a change in the air. “We know this. That’s not what we wanted to discuss.”

“No?” Ben asked and Kylo looked at her expectantly.

“No,” Leia said. “What we wanted to say is that we’re sorry. The way we handled it… I never meant to do this to my sons again. And to you Rey.” Leia paused for breath. “There is nothing wrong with what you're doing. We simply have to get used to it. It may take a while, but…” Leia reached out a hand to Ben, who was sitting closer to her. He took it. “We want you to be happy and if this is what you want then we will accept you as you are.”

Rey saw a smile on Ben’s face but Kylo still looked a little guarded. That’s when Han moved and sat beside him, Kylo’s eyes following him. Han looked worried and kind of scared as well as looking incredibly uneasy, but he seemed determined to go through with it.

“Okay, I’m not going to lie. This is all… strange for us, for  _ me _ but… Like your mother said…” He then took a deep breath and looked at his sons. “It doesn’t matter. We finally have you back, all of you. And I just want my boys here with me. And you Rey.” Han said, looking at her.

Han placed a hand on Kylo’s shoulder. “Kylo?”

Kylo didn’t say anything, Rey guessed it was because of the tears in his eyes.

“I’m sorry…” Han said to his son. “We will not abandon you again...”

These difficult, heartfelt words coming from Han touched Rey’s heart deeply. She knew Han and Leia. This was who they really were. Her family.

Leia was the one who got up and snatched her sons to her, and Han soon joined in. She would have laughed if she wasn’t crying at the awkward way that Han wrapped his arms around his large sons. Rey didn’t know whose arm pulled her in, but she was promptly swept into the group hug, too.

The nervousness was very much still there but it didn’t matter anymore. Rey leaned her head against Kylo’s back and Ben held her arm. She could feel that Kylo was crying but was trying not to make too much noise, much like herself.

She cringes hard again holding a cold beer in her hand, but a wide smile blooms on her face watching her family enjoying the early summer sun and the barbecue. At least the ice was broken, she bargains with herself. But she feels warm inside thinking that now they don’t have to hide it from the people they love. It’s a relief to realize that nothing was lost after all.

Luke is across the swimming pool from her, and she witnesses Kylo approach him with two beers in his hand. He offers one to Luke. Luke eyes him in surprise but takes it. They share a small toast, even if a bit stiff. Kylo shifts on his feet and scratches the back of his head. Luke coughs. But at one point, they begin to talk and Rey can’t help but smile.

Leia comes close to Han, who’s handling the grill, and laces her fingers with his and they exchange a brief, sweet look. They swiftly let go when Ben approaches and starts up a conversation. Rey wonders why they bother to hide, since they’re not fooling anyone.

Today’s tabloids continue their current streak of articles shaming and ridiculing the entire Solo family, but Leia seems unfazed. Her chances were indeed ruined, but there was a surge of support after the article came out, from poly families and all sorts of people from diverse backgrounds and relationships. Leia is proud to say that this is the people she represents now and is more than ready to rebuild.

Rey has an interview tomorrow at Dameron & Dameron Architects. Rose has been working for them ever since she and Rey graduated and was very kind to refer Rey to them. The associates are a married couple and seem to be involved in low income housing and building public infrastructure. Exactly the kind of thing that Rey always wanted to do. She has a very good feeling about this one.

The sun is shining as they all sit on the patio table to eat, the conversation flowing more easily now.

The lonely, lost girl she once was is gone, surrounded by a family she thought she’d lost so many times, but that, in the end, through love, managed to stay together. Rey finally found the belonging she sought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Skywalker family deserves to be happy.
> 
> I hope I’ve made Polyamory justice. I will forever cherish this fic as one of my favorites.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!
> 
> ❤️💛💙

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback and comments are appreciated!
> 
> You may find me on Twitter [@ceciliasheplin](https://twitter.com/ceciliasheplin) if you want to say hi.


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